The Real Smash Bros
by pikachufanno9
Summary: Take a look at what happens when the Smashers are not fighting.
1. Karaoke Night

**Ever wonder how the Smashers can stand each other in the Smash Mansion? Wanna know what goes down every day in there? Well, MTV (or rather, me) has sent cameramen to film the Smashers' daily lives. See the scandals, relationships, and everything else in this new series of one-shots!**

**NOTE: I do not own Super Smash Bros. Nintendo does.**

_Tonight's episode – Karaoke Night_

It was Karaoke Night at the Smash Mansion. All the Smashers were there, and a number of them had friends from the outside in attendance. Ash Ketchum and all of his travel buddies over the years were there to see Pikachu sing (that will provide some laughs). Samus and Lucario had Sir Aaron come. King Dedede's best friend, Escargoon was also in attendance.

First up were Ness, Lucas, Toon Link, King Dedede, and Ike. They were to sing the theme song to a show all in the Mansion but Pit liked. Pit was like, "they better not be singing the theme from...THAT show!" Link said, "how can humor offend someone like you Pit? I mean, we're best buds and all, but you gotta be more open-minded." Pit said, "you're acting like I am the only one offended by that show. But I'm not."

Samus said, "shhh, they're about to start singing". A guitar chord played and Ike began to sing "going down to South Park..." revealing that Ike and the others were singing the _South Park_ theme. Ike sang Les Claypool's lines (he's the lead singer of Primus, the main performer of the song), Ness and Lucas did Stan and Kyle's line, King Dedede did Cartman's line (since they are both fat), and Toon Link did Kenny's line, muffling his voice just like Kenny.

Next up was Snake, who was dressed up in a blue suit of sorts, following him was a chorus of four Native American male singers. Snake said, "Samus, this one is for you". Samus was embarrassed, "not this again". The Native American chorus began chanting "hooga-chaka hooga hooga" and the lights went down.

Meta Knight said "is he singing what I think he's singing?" as Snake began to sing "I can't fight this feeling, deep inside of me...". Captain Falcon said, "I think I recognize that blue suit". As Snake launched into the chorus of his song, the lights turned back on and he danced while he sang.

"I know what Snake is doing, he is singing the Blue Swede version of 'Hooked on a Feeling', wearing the same attire that Björn Skifs wore in the music video for the song that was made in 2009" Marth said. Peach then reminded Marth about the song's age, "but how can the music video be made that recently if the song was made in the early 1970s?"

Marth explained the reasoning behind the song's video. "You see, the video was made to promote the movie _Something Blue_, the acting debut of Roy G.B. Ventura, who we all know simply as Roy. He started an acting career after leaving Smash Bros., he co-stars in that movie, which is a romantic comedy, opposite Britney Spears. All the soundtrack's songs, which are classic rock love songs, had new music videos made for them."

Peach said, "interesting, tell me more."

Marth continued, "all the music videos also contained short clips from the movie itself. In the music video for 'Hooked on a Feeling', Skifs wears the same attire and dances in the same way Snake is wearing and dancing now, and it takes place in a Las Vegas nightclub. A Native American chorus even mimes the backing vocals, and the lights turn off and on the same way as earlier."

After Snake finished his song, he went back to his seat, with Samus telling him along the way, "give it up Snake, you're never going to have me." Snake only said that he thought Samus was in denial.

Lucario and Sir Aaron came up on the stage next. The two were going to sing a duet, like they had been doing the past several weeks.

Samus said, "oh boy, what are they going to sing this week?" Everyone was anxious as to what they were going to sing. Eventually, a song from the movie _Grease_ began playing.

Lucario sang the line "I got chills they're multiplying…" revealing that he and Sir Aaron were singing " You're the One That I Want" from the movie version of _Grease_. Pit explained to Palutena, a newcomer to Karaoke Night, that Lucario and Sir Aaron always sing a duet each week – and all songs they choose are duets that were originally between a male and a female. The two take turns playing each gender.

Lucario and Sir Aaron had began doing this after starring in a local production of the musical _Hair_ – which Samus and Pikachu also attended, mainly to get away from Snake.

It was Mario's turn to come up and sing. He preferred to sing songs by performers who are of Italian descent, like Mario was. Mario especially preferred Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Mario this time sang "My Way", one of Sinatra's biggest hits. Mario sang about getting older, even though he has never aged.

When Link came on stage, he was accompanied by a chorus of 4th-graders from South Park – namely Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Kenny, Butters, Token, Craig, and Jimmy.

The song that played began with the kids singing "here we are, born to be kings, we're the princes of the universe". This Queen song was chosen by Link to show he was the best swordsman of all the swordsmen Smashers, much to the annoyance of Marth, Ike and Meta Knight, who he all considers rivals (in spite the lyric "I have no rival").

Meta Knight went up next. "I am sure this song is familiar with you all". A guitar line opened up his song, which was "La Bamba" as performed by Los Lobos. Meta Knight is of Mexican descent, like Los Lobos and the first popular performer of the song, Richie Valens.

Bowser and Ganondorf went up to sing a song together. Marth said, "what drinking song are they gonna sing next?" Ike said, "that's all they sing about, they should sing about something else". Bowser and Ganondorf sang "Burn it to the Ground" by Nickelback.

When Donkey Kong came up, he was accompanied by a turntablist. He opened his song with "if you havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems...". Donkey Kong always performed songs by African-American artists.

Peach said, "Jay-Z has such a filthy mouth." King Dedede commented as well, "DK can say those words because we live in a free country." Marth said "race plays a role here too you know."

Ash Ketchum went up and sang a song for Misty. It was a song used by the ABC network in the late 1970. Samus said, "you know Fox, 'Still the One' by Orleans was the basis for a successful ABC promotional campaign." Fox said, "wow I didn't know that. I share a name with a network myself."

After Karaoke Night finished, the Smashers went back to the main Mansion, and everyone went to bed for the night, ready for the next day.

**How do you like that? There is more where that came from. Of course from now on all Karaoke Night one-shots after this will be posted on Wednesday.**


	2. Mammals Are Superior

**Today on The Real Smash Bros., Pikachu and Samus have a conversation on whether mammals are superior to other vertebrate classes.**

Samus went into the kitchen to get a can of Coca-Cola Zero. This kind of soda pop tasted like regular Coca-Cola, but had no sugar, calories and low sodium. She went to a table to drink it. Coke Zero had become her favorite beverage. It has been used to promote some of her favorite movies.

Samus had been binge-watching _Game of Thrones_ the past several days. The only thing she questioned about the show was its constant exposure of private parts, both male and female. Other than that she enjoyed the show.

Pikachu ran into the kitchen, wanting to talk to her. Something was on his mind. She could tell. "Pikachu, what brings you into the kitchen?" Pikachu began to speak, but not in the language she had been accustomed to hearing. "I've been doing some research and-" Samus interrupted him. "Pikachu, you can speak human language?" Pikachu said, "yes but you must keep it a secret. Only a selected few know I can talk. And when I do, it is with a New York Italian accent."

Samus said, "that is interesting, your secret is safe with me." Pikachu said, "not even Ash can know that I can speak. If he knew, it could very well greatly affect our relationship. By the way, those _South Park_ Black Friday episodes suggest that Microsoft and Sony are better than Nintendo, in a way that does not even mention Nintendo, by saying they do not exist. That is a lot of baloney. Everyone knows Nintendo is better".

Samus said, "of course, everyone in this house, except Snake, says Nintendo is superior. We've all seen those episodes."

(A/N: I am a Nintendo gamer myself, but also Microsoft. While I do agree with Pikachu's views on Sony, his views on Microsoft do not reflect mine, since I also have an Xbox 360.)

Pikachu began to speak again, "as I was saying, I have been doing some research, and after careful deliberating, I have concluded that mammals, like me and you, are superior to other animals."

Samus said, "why do you say that, Pikachu?" Pikachu explained, "well, we are warm-blooded, and mammals include humans, the most intelligent of all the animals in the world. Also, female mammals, with very few exceptions, give live birth – something we don't see with fish, reptiles, birds or amphibians. So, in order witness the miracle of childbirth you have to be a mammal. I remember my mother giving birth to me. I had like 9 brothers and sisters, we were all Pichu to begin our lives."

Samus said, "not to mention mammals give us milk, from which cheese, butter, yogurt and other dairy products are made." Pikachu said, "cheese is really good, and I'm not saying that just because I am a mouse. Of course, reptiles and amphibians freeze to death more easily because they are cold-blooded."

Samus said, "of course, we do live with a few reptiles. There's Bowser, and all of Pokemon Trainer's Pokemon. I just hope they are not listening in on our conversation". Pikachu said, "I am sure they're not. I'm sure they know mammals are superior, and they respect us for it."

Pikachu handed Samus a book about animals, and Samus looked through it. Pikachu then said, "of course, with the exception of humans, mammalian Pokemon are superior to regular mammals. Like me, I can do so many things that a regular mouse cannot. Like manipulate electricity. That is how special Pokemon are."

Pikachu then added, "but the most special Pokemon out there are legendary Pokemon. They are said to have powers beyond what many other Pokemon have. That's why Legendaries are the stars of the Pokemon movies. Stories have been told about these Pokemon for generations. A number of Legendaries have statuses as Gods. Like for instance, in Kanto, Articuno is the God of Ice, Zapdos the God of Thunder – nice try Gene Simmons – and Moltres the God of Fire. But in all areas where Pokemon can be found, Arceus is the God of them all. Believe me, people who live near Pokemon are just as religious as all other countries in the world."

Samus said, "that is pretty interesting." Pikachu continued, "now, another reason mammals are superior? Many of the most popular pet choices are mammals. Cats, dogs, gerbils, mice, rats. But for every animal class that has its qualities, they have setbacks as well. Mammals are prone to having fleas. Believe me, fleas are no fun, I've had them a few times before."

Samus said, "oh I know about fleas. They're worse than Metroids. I've had lice in my hair before. Had to shave it off. It was not fun having to walk around bald for a while."

"Well this was an interesting conversation" said Pikachu. "Let's go watch some Game of Thrones with Ash and Misty."

"Sounds good to me!" said Samus.

**Well it is true. Mammals rule. To be able to have hair/fur is a privilege that only mammals have. Scales are nice and all, but hair/fur is better.**


	3. Is Lady Justice Dead?

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., we take a look back at how Donkey Kong react to the news of George Zimmerman being found not guilty of the murder of Trayvon Martin. While most episodes will take place at the time they are written, some will take place in the past, and a few in the future. So without further ado, here is episode 3 – **_**Is Lady Justice Dead?**_

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

_DATELINE: July 13, 2013_

The Smashers were all watching the TV. It was turned to CNN, and a major news story was about to break. It could make or break the relationship between African-Americans and the rest of America, especially Caucasians. On trial was George Zimmerman, a Florida police officer who was Caucasian charged with murdering African-American teenager Trayvon Martin early in 2012.

Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong were hoping justice would prevail. They as members of the African-American community felt the pain many others of that race felt when Martin was killed. Though they were the only African-American Smashers, the others were hoping to see Zimmerman behind bars too. No policeman should ever do what Zimmerman did.

On CNN, they were just about to announce the verdict. Race relations in the United States hinged on whether the word "not" would be part of the sentence everyone would hear or not. As the TV showed the judge giving out the verdict, everyone watching at the Smash Mansion had their fingers in their mouths. But what the judge said unsettled everyone in the room.

"We find the defendant, George Zimmerman, not guilty." Everyone gasped. Donkey Kong said "this can't be happening." His nephew Diddy Kong was just as upset. "Why would they let this racist walk free? This is just wrong." Every Smasher capable of human language expressed disappointment at the verdict as well. But it hit the Kongs the hardest.

They avoided having conversations with the other Smashers for a few days. Morale among the other Smashers and whatever friends were there was low as well. Over the next few days, there were reports of African-Americans rioting in response to the verdict.

_(4 days later)_

Donkey Kong was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a banana, dejectedly. The verdict was all that was on his mind. Knowing that George Zimmerman was out on the street after this senseless act of violence, he was not at ease. He wanted to do something about it, but couldn't.

Samus came into the kitchen, seeing Donkey Kong in this state was really alarming. She decided to talk to him about the whole thing. "DK, I know that the verdict was not what we wanted, I can understand how you feel", she said.

DK said, "it was horrible. The fact that a white man got away with killing a young black male shows that white people can get away with anything. It isn't fair. Society is decaying. We have been pushed around for so long."

Samus knew that being a minority was tough, given that they had been oppressed for so many years. "Look, I don't know what it's like to be black, but I have had many black friends over the years, they have seen so much. I thought society had evolved so much that this wasn't happening anymore. But we still have a lot to learn."

DK agreed with this. "I know. Our race has done so much for this world, but there are still people who are ignorant. I mean, we now have a black president. Blacks also helped shape today's popular music. I hope one day that racism becomes a crime."

Samus wanted this too. Everyone wants it. While many people get along with people of other creeds, there are still incidents that many construe as racist, like what happened to Trayvon Martin. This world has come a long way from where it was many years ago when it came to race relations.

So, after a few more hours, life was back to normal at the Smash Mansion.

They put the whole thing behind them, but they still knew that the wrong verdict was given.

**Well, some people should not be out on the streets. I think George Zimmerman got off easy. If I had my way I would put him in jail for life. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope nothing like this ever happens again.**


	4. South Park

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., everyone is watching what is perhaps the most popular adult cartoon on cable television…except for one.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

In the media room, the huge-screen television is tuned into Comedy Central. All the Smashers (except for one, who will be revealed shortly), along with Pikachu's master Ash Ketchum and his friends, Lucario's partner Sir Aaron, Luigi's girlfriend Daisy, Wario's brother Waluigi, King Dedede's friend Escargoon, Kirby's friends Tiff and Tuff, and even Master Hand were all watching _South Park_.

Tonight's episode of _South Park_ revolved around Terrance and Phillip premiering a stage musical based on their hit movie _Asses of Fire_, a movie which caused controversy on its initial release (leading to war between the United States and Canada, which ended when the ghost of Kenny McCormick wished for everything to go back to before the war started, bringing all who died during the war back to life, and giving Kenny entrance into Heaven as a result).

The stage musical causes controversy too, but for a different reason. Other Canadian comedians who perform similar humor to Terrance and Phillip accuse the duo of selling out. But the musical is very popular, and it actually premieres in the town of South Park before going to Broadway.

Everyone is enjoying the episode, but is interrupted by perhaps the most conservative of all the Smashers.

"What the Hades are you watching?" Pit inquired. Snake said "this is _South Park_. It's the funniest show on cable television." Pit didn't agree with him. "It's disgusting trash is what it is. This is possibly the most offensive television series out there."

Ike said, "come on Pit, you say everything is offensive. I can relate to the show. There is a character that has my name." Pit tried hard to get through to everyone. "_South Park_ is nothing but foul language, gross humor, and content that offends just about every class of people."

Meta Knight didn't care what Pit had to say. "You're being a Debbie Downer, Pit. There hasn't been much widespread protest over the show in years. You need to get with the times Pit. More and more people are liking the show."

Pit refused to quit. He told Meta Knight that certain parts of the show have content offensive to people of Mexican descent like Meta Knight, who replied "it's not Trey and Matt hate Mexicans, they just want to appeal to a wide audience. I get that some stuff on the show upsets Mexicans. But not out of prejudice."

Captain Falcon began to chime in as well. "You see Pit, there are more offensive shows out there now. _South Park_ is tame in comparison to those shows. It was an episode of _South Park_ that made me abandon my racist ways. You see, I used to insult Donkey Kong because he was black, using terms like 'the N-word'. Seeing an ordinary citizen like Randy Marsh use that word and the fallout it caused made me realize I was wrong."

Fox said the same thing. "I was like that too until that episode aired. I got my racist tendencies from my father, he was from the South. This show has made many people realize that some of their habits were dangerous. Trey and Matt are two of the greatest comedic minds out there. You should be more open-minded Pit."

Lucario wanted to speak his opinion as well. "_South Park_ has been a cultural touchstone for years. The only reason that you are offended by the show is because you are an angel and being an angel, or any other heavenly body, your kind is more inclined to find stuff like _South Park_ offensive."

Pit agreed with Lucario. "Isn't it obvious Lucario? I'm more conservative when it comes to stuff like this. This is why the fabric of society is breaking down, because more and more immoral movies, TV shows, games and other stuff being put out there. You go ahead and watch _South Park_. You'll surely end up in Hades."

After Pit was gone, Mario unpaused the TV, and everyone else continued to watch _South Park_. They knew that Pit would never like the show given he is a heavenly being. Pit went upstairs to post a new journal on deviantART. It was about his thoughts on _South Park_.

"OK, so everyone in the Smash Mansion likes _South Park_. Except for me. Why? As a being from the heavens, I find stuff like _South Park_ offensive. It is full of gross humor, profanity, and content offensive to just about every group of people. You'd expect to hear this from an angel.

I do not see how people can find this funny. It's even worse knowing that children are watching this show. But then again, the main characters of the show are also children. That gives the impression to the young viewers that this show is OK for them. And that is part of what is wrong with today's youth.

No one in Angel Land, my home, likes the show, nor does anyone who is a devout religious person. Conservatives like me are having a hard time trying to convince people not to watch the show. Well, this is America after all. America's attitudes towards offensive content are much more relaxed than many other countries. Why do you think there are no media that is legally banned in the United States? Because of something called the First Amendment.

I never have watched _South Park_ and I never will. I only watch programs that I approve for family viewing, as well as religious-based programming. _South Park_ just does not appeal to me. I'm sure there are others on this site who share my views. If any of you do share my views, comment on this journal and I may befriend you."

Meanwhile the others continued to watch _South Park_. After the episode was over, everyone began discussing the episode, like they do after all new episodes of the show. They then went on to the _South Park Studios_ website to discuss the new episode with other fans of the series.

They all thought it would be a neat idea to make a stage musical version of _South Park_'s own movie, _South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut_. Other board members agreed, and decided to start a petition to bring the movie to stage.

It was sent to _South Park_ fan sites all over the internet. Before long, there were many signatures. The petition was then sent to Trey and Matt. They agreed that a stage musical of the movie was well overdue. And in keeping the spirit of the fact that the main characters of the series are all children, they felt the child characters should all be played by child actors.

Meanwhile, the next episode of _South Park_ was advertised to be a parody of the 2014 _Godzilla_ reboot as well as the 1998 version. This episode was sure to be a good one.

**Well, it seems Pit is a social conservative. You'd expect someone like him to disapprove of **_**South Park**_**. I myself find the show hilarious. And I really do think the movie should become a stage musical.**


	5. Casa Bonita

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., it's Cinco de Mayo, and Meta Knight has a surprise in store for the other Smashers.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

_(May 5, 2014, morning. The Smashers are all doing hobbies like watching TV, playing video games, or even using the internet)_

Master Hand's voice was heard over the PA system. "Everyone report to the theater. Meta Knight has an announcement to make!"

Sure enough, all the other Smashers set aside what they were doing and went into the theater. Meta Knight stood on the stage, while the other Smashers talked about what they thought this big announcement was.

Meta Knight began to address the other Smashers. "As you may know, today is Cinco de Mayo. It is a very important day for people of Mexican descent like me. On that day, we commemorate the day in 1862 when after French forces invaded the state of Puebla in 1861, the Mexican army successfully fought them off despite being smaller and more poorly-equipped than what was considered the premier military of the time.

So I would like to announce that in 2 hours, we will all be boarding flights to Denver, Colorado. While we are there, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, we will all be eating dinner at Casa Bonita, perhaps the most famous Mexican restaurant in the United States. Any Smashers who have non-Smasher friends will be able to bring them. I have planned for this for several months now.

I myself have been to Casa Bonita several times and I am now considered one of the restaurant's favorite customers. I am also going to distribute these pamphlets showcasing all Casa Bonita has to offer."

Meta Knight went into the seating area and handed several pamphlets to each Smasher on the left most seat in the row, who then passed them down to the others in their row. Everyone read the pamphlets, and the Smashers thought this place would make for a great time, with some of them actually saying this out loud.

The Smashers that had friends on the outside called them over to the Mansion. Samus, acting on her and Pikachu's behalf, called up Ash and all his friends from his journey. Luigi called up Daisy, Wario called up Waluigi, Lucario called up Sir Aaron, and King Dedede called up Escargoon, Tiff and Tuff.

With one hour before the flight to Denver was scheduled to take off, everyone got on a bus to the airport. With everyone in the Smash Mansion out of the house now, a figure I can only refer to as "The Terminator" was asked to guard the mansion, with help from a few other movie characters.

Everyone boarded the plane upon arrival at the airport, which was only 20 minutes away from the Smash Mansion. The in-flight movie was _Saving Private Ryan _, edited to remove blood, gore, and profanity. Many claim that such editing destroys what they consider to be a masterpiece, but it is necessary because there are people of all ages on flights.

After the flight landed in Denver, another bus took everyone to a hotel near the Casa Bonita, which is actually located in Lakewood. Before everyone got off the bus, Meta Knight assured everyone that everything bought would be on him, since he, like the other Smashers, had millions of dollars in their bank accounts, that's one of the perks of being famous.

Everyone went into a hotel room for several hours, while waiting to go to Casa Bonita. They were to go there at 7 PM Mountain Daylight Time. Meta Knight had several tables reserved for his party. Some of the Smashers shared rooms, like Mario, Luigi, Peach, and non-Smasher Daisy. Bowser and Ganondorf also shared a room. They are alcoholics, but decided to wait until they got to Casa Bonita to start drinking today.

Pikachu and Samus shared a room with Ash and Misty. Samus thought that Ash and Misty were a cute couple. Link, Toon Link and Zelda shared a room as well. As did Captain Falcon and Snake, who put aside their differences to share a room – both were competing for the affections of Samus. The Falcon/Samus/Snake love triangle was actually considered one of the better parts of this TV show, as it captivated viewers.

When 7 PM came, everyone got out of their rooms and onto the bus towards Casa Bonita. Everyone was in for a great time. This wasn't any ordinary Mexican restaurant, it was a tourist attraction. It was basically the _Disneyland of Mexican restaurants_.

When they arrived there, the Smashers were stunned at how amazing this place was. There were strolling mariachis, flame jugglers, and a 30-foot (9.1 m) waterfall with cliff divers. There was also a small puppet theater, a "haunted tunnel" called Black Bart's Cave, an arcade with a large skee-ball room, and a magic theater.

Also at Casa Bonita tonight was a group of four 4th-graders from a small town elsewhere in Colorado. One of them intended to surprise the others. "OK guys you can take your blindfolds off" he said. "Wow Cartman, you, you took us to Casa Bonita for Cinco de Mayo?" Kyle said. "Yes I did. You know that Casa Bonita is the place to be on this day. Every other Mexican restaurant pales in comparison to this one" said Cartman.

Stan saw that the Super Smash Bros. were here too. "Hey isn't that the Super Smash Bros.?" Kyle said, "no way, they're here too?" Kyle looked, and confirmed that the Smashers were here too. "This is fuckin' sweet! Some of our favorite celebs are here!"

Kenny began to speak in his muffled voice. "We haven't seen many of them since we were in Imaginationland." The boys went to the gift shop to get notebooks and pens so they could get autographs.

The boys went over to the Smashers, who had not yet been seated, and got everyone's autograph, even Pit did so, but he initially refused because he knew where the boys came from, and did not like the show they were on. Meta Knight threatened to send Pit home if did not give the boys autographs, so Pit obliged and gave them autographs. The South Park boys then went to their table, and then the waiter came over to Meta Knight.

"Oh Meta Knight, we've been expecting you for a while. This is your party I assume?" the waiter said. "Yes, I have brought all my fellow Smashers over here, and some of their friends as well. I will be paying for everyone here with this card", Meta Knight showed his PNC card to the waiter.

"Very well them, we shall take your party to their tables", the waiter said. Throughout the night, the Smashers and their friends had fun, watching the stage shows and the cliff divers, going through Black Bart's cave, watching puppet shows, and even playing in the arcade.

Everyone liked the food as well, especially the unlimited chips with dips and honey sopaipillas. Of course the menu had some clearly non-Mexican food items on it too – some say these foods have no business being sold at a Mexican restaurant. Everyone tried the various non-alcoholic drinks on the menu (such as one of my favorites, the Shirley Temple) – except Bowser and Ganondorf. Those two only consumed alcoholic beverages, being alcoholics. Some also tried the fried ice cream.

After everyone was done eating, and just before they left, they went into the gift shop and bought all kinds of souvenirs. They went back to the hotel, knowing that this night was to be remembered for a long time.

The next day, everyone went back to the Smash Mansion. Meta Knight planned on making this an annual tradition, given that everyone enjoyed going to Casa Bonita. Running into the main characters of _South Park_ was a pleasant surprise as well.

So, now that everyone was home, they went back to their normal everyday lives.

**Well how was this for an episode of The Real Smash Bros.? I have heard many great things about Casa Bonita, but I have never been there. I want to go one day, but it will be difficult getting there.**

**Of course, I just want to make something clear – in my series at least, the Kirby characters are the incarnations from the Kirby anime (known as **_**Kirby: Right Back at Ya**_** in the English-speaking world), with Meta Knight and King Dedede being exactly as they are in the English dub (Meta Knight being Mexican, and King Dedede having a Southern accent).**

**This also applies to Pikachu, Jigglypuff, and Lucario – they are the specimen that appear in the Pokemon anime. In particular, the Pikachu is the same one that belongs to Ash Ketchum (who befriends Samus as a result), the Jigglypuff is the same one that followed Ash and friends for years, carrying a microphone that doubled as a marker which she used to punish those who fell asleep hearing her song (which is everyone but Whismur), and the Lucario is the same one from the 8th Pokemon movie, **_**Lucario and the Mystery of Mew**_** – though he died in that movie, Zelda brought him (and Sir Aaron) back to life for Brawl.**

**Oh how did you like the cameos from the **_**South Park**_** characters? The restaurant was prominently featured in one the series' episodes, and has been mentioned in some others.**


	6. Link and Marth's Feud

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., we break down the feud between Link and Marth, and some of the most notable incidents involving them.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

(WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE IN THIS EPISODE)

"Why do Link and Marth hate each other so much?" asked Lucas.

"Well, back in 2001, Master Hand thought a Link/Marth rivalry would be a juicy storyline, so he arranged for Marth to sleep with Zelda, and when Link found out he was furious" Ness said.

"What does it mean to sleep with someone?" asked Lucas.

What Ness to say would blow his friend's mind. "Well, when you sleep with someone, you usually just don't sleep with them." Ness then said something that we cannot transcribe word-for-word in order to keep this T-rated.

"So, they like, do it?" Lucas asked. "Yes Lucas. That is what they do," Ness paused when he heard an argument come his way. "Uh-oh, looks like Marth tried to flirt with Zelda again and Link is not a happy camper."

Indeed, Link was pissed over Marth once again trying to steal his girlfriend. "You better stay away from my girlfriend motherfucker, or I will cut your fucking throat!" Link warned Marth about flirting with Zelda. He meant business.

The feud has seen numerous incidents, let's take a look at some of them (the first incident is explained in detail in _Link Calls in to the Dr. Frasier Crane Show_).

_(The day before Election Day, 2012)_

All the Smashers were excited for the United States Presidential Election. But of course, they were divided over who they wanted to win. Back in 2008, Link was in favor of Obama winning and Marth in favor of McCain. Both voted and Obama won.

Marth was talking to his friends Ike and Meta Knight about this year's election.

"So Marth, you going to vote this year?" Ike asked. "Actually, no. I'm taking a year off from voting. It has become very strenuous. There are so many elections every year." Marth had good reason for not voting this year. "As well, I fear that even if I do vote for Romney, Obama will still win."

"I hope Romney wins too, having a minority as President is nice, but I have disagreed with many of the things he has done these past four years, such as Obamacare", Meta Knight was a noted critic of Obama. He ran a political blog online.

"Well, you should _prepare yourself_ for if Obama does win. He has very high public support you know", Ike knew Obama was very popular.

Meanwhile, Link was listening in to the conversation the other three swordsmen were having. Link was bemused, "finally, I have an excuse to get that blue-haired cunt killed."

Link went up and called Puff Daddy and told him that Marth was not planning on voting this year.

A few hours later, Puff Daddy arrived at the Smash Mansion, ringing the doorbell. Ness answered, and Puff Daddy (who is based off his incarnation in a certain _South Park_ episode) asked Ness to get Marth over.

Marth came over and Puff Daddy told him, "Marth, I heard you were going to abstain from voting this year. You know what happens to people who don't vote now, do you?"

Marth said, "umm, no, what does happen?" Puff Daddy and his bodyguards started to point guns at Marth. "What do you think happens to them, bitch?"

At this point, Puffy and his associates began chasing Marth through the streets of the town, with a song playing in the background.

_Vote or die motherfucker, motherfucker vote or die_

_Rock the vote or else I'll stick a knife through your eye_

_Democracy is founded on one simple rule_

_Get out there and vote or I will motherfucking kill you_

(you all know how the rest of the song goes)

After Marth was corned in an alley, he said, "Link put you up to this, didn't you?" Puffy said, "you're very perceptive Marth", just as police arrived to arrest Puffy and his goons.

After all that Marth still did not vote. And Obama won once again.

_(End flashback)_

Ness and Lucas continued to talk about Link and Marth's rivalry. Ness began to talk about Link and Marth becoming spokesmen for rival beverage companies.

"Last year Lucas, Link and Marth took their rivalry to another level", Ness said.

Lucas inquired, "how so?"

Ness said, "here's the deal..."

_(March 5, 2013, headquarters of Arizona Beverage Company, Long Island, New York)_

"Well Mr. President sir, I am a frequent purchaser of your products. Your company makes so many good teas and fruit drinks. The Arnold Palmer is what takes the cake though."

Link was at the headquarters of the Arizona Beverage Company on Long Island in the state of New York. He has consumed Arizona beverages for several years, and now he was talking to the company president about possibly becoming a spokesman.

"Mr. Link, I'm glad you enjoy my products, but what are you trying to say?" the president wanted to know what Link wanted.

"I want to be a celebrity spokesman for your company", Link said.

"Now that is a splendid idea Link. Your popularity as a Super Smash Bros. fighter is sure to attract more customers to our products", the president said.

Link's agent entered the room, and the three began negotiating a deal that would give Link substantial compensation for endorsing the company's products and appearing in commercials for them. After the deal was made, Link immediately went to filming commercials for some of Arizona's most popular products.

Two days later, the commercials began airing on television. It just so happened that Marth saw one of the commercials while watching _Duck Dynasty_. Marth said, "so he wants to play huh? Two can play that game!"

Marth then flew to New York himself and went to Pepsi's headquarters. He negotiated a similar deal to endorse the Brisk line of beverages, Arizona's biggest competitor. He shot some commercials of his own, and they aired within days as well.

So now, Link and Marth were spokesmen for two rival beverage companies. The Brisk line and Arizona both experienced sharp rises in units sold, and became very profitable.

_(End flashback)_

"That is very interesting", Lucas said.

"Yes it is Lucas. As you can see, there are many things that are liked by one of them and hated by the other, further fueling the rivalry. For instance, Link is an Ohio State fan, and Marth a Michigan fan", Ness said.

"But of course Ness, it all makes sense now. Of course we're unlike those two. We get along well. The magic of friendship is what makes this world a special place to live in", Lucas commented on how friendship is magic.

"Yes Lucas, friendship is indeed magic. Let's watch an episode of _My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic_", Ness said.

**Just as in WWE, Super Smash Bros. also has feuds. Some are carried over from other games like Mario VS. Bowser. But others are exclusively found in SSB. Feuds are what make something like this popular.**


	7. Rumors on Marth's Sexual Orientation

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., we enter the confessional room for the first time, and the Smashers respond to rumors surrounding Marth's sexuality.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

**This episode may contain material inappropriate for those under 13. Viewer discretion is advised.**

Ever since Marth joined Super Smash Bros. in 2001, he has become a public figure. Many rumors about his personal life have persisted for many years, but none more so than his sexual orientation.

In regards to the Smashers, some of them think he is heterosexual because of his repeated attempts to steal Zelda away from Link, including Link himself. Here is what these Smashers had to say about it.

Link: He definitely likes women. I mean, he's flirting with my girlfriend, and I take offense to that. I am very protective of Zelda especially since she often gets kidnapped. Of course, Zelda has rejected his advances after I start to come in, but he never gives up. I just don't like him.

Snake: I know that somebody loves women when he constantly flirts with them. Marth has tried all these years to get Zelda, but Link has not let that happen, and I don't think it will. Marth should go for some other woman, but he better stay away from Peach and Samus. Peach belongs to Mario, and I want Samus for myself.

Zelda: It's true that Marth has tried to win my affections. Now, I will always consider Link my one true love. I only slept with Marth that one time to help the juicy storyline that would result from it. I regret doing that and the feud between Link and Marth is getting out of hand. Then again this is great publicity.

Samus: What Marth is doing with Zelda is no different from Snake's behavior around me. And he too has a feud – Captain Falcon. They compete for my affections, but quite frankly, I am hard to get. Marth and Link are no different.

Fox: Marth was a ladies' man in his home world. He has dated just about every woman in his universe. So it is not a surprise that Marth wants Zelda.

Not all of them believe Marth is heterosexual. A good amount of the Smashers say he is the exact opposite – homosexual.

Captain Falcon: Throughout all the time I've known Marth, I have seen him doing, well, stuff, first with Roy, and now with Ike. I once witnessed Marth and Roy watching _Brokeback Mountain_ together, we all know what that movie is about. This is even in my biography _Show Me Your Moves: The Complete Authorized Biography of Captain Falcon_. He may deny it, but he is indeed gay and I support him all the way. I'm an LGBT rights activist you know.

Ike: Marth and me have entered into a special relationship. I think he only flirts with Zelda just to piss off Link, not because he has any feelings for her. I know all about his previous relationship with Roy, and I can say for a fact he likes men. We do all kinds of stuff together. I can't elaborate too much because this fic is T-rated. But he is my muse, and I am his muse.

Mario: Marth is definitely homosexual. Back in 2006 I once used a six-letter slur for homosexuals in an interview for the 25th anniversary of _Donkey Kong_. Of course, my quote was taken out of context, and I must stress that I am not a homophobe. I support Marth and Ike all the way.

Falco: To be honest, I have seen Marth wear flamboyant clothing very often. He even told me he was gay when we had chatted on Skype, but told me not to tell anyone. Well at least any of the Smashers. Marth actually enjoys the public speculating on his sexual orientation. As long as he gets attention he is OK.

Sonic: Marth and Ike are always seen together. It is obvious they are a couple. A lot of fans have written romantic fanfics of the two. I have a account and I have read many of them. I write fanfics for many shows I like too.

There are a few think Marth is bisexual. Let's hear from them.

Ness: I have seen Marth both flirt with Zelda, and hold hands with Roy and later Ike. Believe it or not, there are people who like both genders when it comes to romance. Marth is one of those people. Some even like three-ways. Love is a very complex thing. I should know. I am head over heels for Paula, one of my best friends from when we saved the earth from invading aliens.

Wolf: Being in a more liberal society has allowed many to pursue relationships with both men and women in recent years. Where Marth originally lived, anything but heterosexuality was frowned upon. Marth couldn't really come out of his shell until he came to Super Smash Bros. – this show shows everything. Well, everything that is not explicit. Marth is very popular. Both men and women love him.

Lucario: Marth has become interested in musicals just as much as me and Sir Aaron have. How this relates to his sexual orientation? Marth mainly likes musicals with LGBT themes like _La Cage aux Folles_. He also likes _Oh, Calcutta!_ too. That really says a lot about Marth. Love is love no matter who it is between. So he likes it both ways.

R.O.B.: Marth has always been one to keep his love life a secret. But like Ness, I have witnessed Marth with both men and women. He even once flirted with me, but that was when he was under the influence of LSD. As a robot I will never experience true love, I am programmed not to have emotions. This is typical of all robots. Marth has it all. He has many who love him, and he loves them back.

King Dedede: I have known Marth for 6 years now. He is close to just about everyone except the Links. But romantically he prefers only a few of the Smashers. He has publicly flirted with Zelda, but privately slept with Ike. I know this because we chat on Skype. Marth is one of my best friends. I support him all the way.

**Well, this gives us a lot of insight as to Marth's preferences. I had never used a confessional scene until this episode, and I thought this plot was good.**


	8. Girls' Night Out

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., the humanoid female Smashers (Jigglypuff is unable to speak English) have a night out the town.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

5:45, they are driving on the highway. Cruising so fast, they want time to fly. Fun, fun, think about fun, you know what it is. They got this, now you know it.

Peach, Zelda and Samus were going out for a night in the city. It was Girls' Night Out. They were planning on going out to dinner, seeing a movie, visit the Women's History Museum, go roller skating, and getting their hair done.

First off they were going to see a movie. "I've heard many great things about this movie. Love stories are very good movies", said Samus. "The fact that Oprah co-produced the movie has brought some really good attention" - Peach was a fan of Oprah's show and her book club as well.

Zelda was excited for this movie as well. "_The Hundred-Foot Journey_ comes from a great novel, I've read it and you should too. This is one of the best novels ever." Soon they arrived at the theater, and they purchased tickets to the movie.

Two hours later, they walked out of the theater, having enjoyed the movie. Samus said, "now that I've seen the movie, I think I will read the book. Books that are made into movies are said to be really good."

Peach also said she would read the book, having also enjoyed the movie. Zelda then said, "I told you you would like this movie. Now let's go out and eat. Off to the French restaurant for high-quality meals!" Zelda and the others got into the car, and drove to La Pierre's Restaurant. This was the finest French restaurant in the city.

Peach and Zelda had been to the restaurant before on dates with Mario and Link, respectively. Samus, however, had never been there before. This was her first time at any French restaurant. So, she was unfamiliar with the cuisine. The menus were in French, but Peach had a high-tech translation device.

This device was a scanner, which, when scanning foreign text, it shows an English translation being projected. So, everyone ordered their food with help from this device, and while waiting for their order, they talked about their latest dates (or in Samus' case, her latest mission).

Peach and Zelda were lucky to have such nice guys as boyfriends, they explained. Samus was wondering when the two would marry their boyfriends. They said "in good time". Samus of course has two men fighting over her. But she hasn't chosen who to go with yet. She enjoyed seeing Captain Falcon and Snake competing for her affection.

Soon, their food came, and they ate their dinners. They really enjoyed eating at this restaurant, and planned on coming here again. They also planned on referring the restaurant to Ash and Misty and the other Pokemon trainer couples they knew, knowing it would make for a great time.

Next they went to the Women's History Museum. There was an exhibit on female video game characters. They for sure would love that exhibit, being female video game characters themselves. There were also exhibits on females in war, and females as high-level executives of major companies.

The Women's History Museum was a favorite place of the three. They have been frequent visitors since 2001, when it first opened. Many other such museums exist across the United States. But this one was the closest to the Smash Mansion.

Next they went to the roller skating rink. "Look up Peach and Zelda, tonight happens to be Ladies' Night at the skating rink. No men in sight", Samus said. "this is just what we needed," Peach said, and Zelda agreed.

They all put on roller skates and began to skate around the rink. The first song to play was "Ladies' Night" by Kool and the Gang. This was to show that the rink was catering exclusively to females tonight. "This is the place for roller skating. No other rink can compare to this one," said Zelda.

"I know, right? Roller skating is becoming more and more sacred for many people. Many are only going to one place to roller skate nowadays. For us, this is our home to roller-skate", Samus said.

A number of other female celebrities were there too, and the three Smashers decided to get some autographs as well. Any celebrity which frequents this rink would win the favor of Peach, Samus and Zelda. The three have been roller skating for a long time, but not at this place until tonight.

They made sure never to visit any other roller skating rink ever again. They next went to the most expensive salon to get their hair done.

This salon was also frequented by many celebrities. This was one of the most famous hair salons in the United States. The three Smashers thought getting new hairstyles would impress their boyfriends (or in Samus' case, her Facebook followers).

The three decided to close their night by doing some shopping at the department store. They decided to buy some DVDs of movies they liked when they saw in theaters but had not owned at home before, such as _27 Dresses_, _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_, and _Love Actually_.

The three then headed back home. They really enjoyed having some time to themselves. But their friends were all waiting at the Mansion. The Mansion is going to have some new female inhabitants real soon – Palutena, female Wii Fit Trainer, Lucina, Rosalina, a female Villager, and Robin (who has a twin brother, who also goes by the name of Robin).

The expanding female cast of Smash Bros. was very exciting for the current female Smashers. Peach and Rosalina were already good friends, she couldn't wait to introduce her to Samus and Zelda. She was sure they were all going to get along. But Rosalina has a crush you might find shocking – she is in love with Wario.

**Well, this episode turned out quite nice, focusing on the female Smashers. And of course I am hoping Krystal from Star Fox Adventures gets into Smash 4. I would have preferred her over Wolf in Brawl.**


	9. The Contest

**On this episode, the winner of MTV's **_**Meet the Smashers**_** contest comes to the Smash Mansion, and brings 9 friends along with him.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

_(6 months earlier, theater)_

The Smashers were in the Mansion's theater where the president of MTV was about to make a major announcement. _The Real Smash Bros._ had become the network's highest-rated original series in network history. MTV was planning a big event related to the show. And the Smashers were to be the first to know about it.

The Smashers were curious as to what this event was. They were all speculating about it, with many possibilities being discussed. The president of MTV came up on stage and made the announcement.

"As you all may know, _The Real Smash Bros._ has become MTV's most popular show. It has brought much publicity to Super Smash Bros., and television ratings of SSB fights on Fox Sports 1 and ESPN2 have increased as a result.

Now, MTV is excited to announce our first major event in conjunction with _The Real Smash Bros._ – we are holding a contest in which the winner and 9 of his or her friends will tour the Smash Mansion and will be featured in an episode of the series, in which they will mingle with you."

The Smashers began talking about the contest, and whether the show's image will be helped or hurt by the fans' being on the show and seeing what happens behind the scenes. They hoped this contest would bring in more viewers.

The contest was officially revealed to the public the following day. Many fans, all of them 18 or older due to contest rules, entered. The contest would announce its winner in 4 months. Then one month after that, the winner and his or her friends would come to the Smash Mansion and tape the episode, which would air one month later as the season premiere.

_(Present)_

The Smashers were preparing for the arrival of the contest winner and his friends. They needed to be on their best behavior so that the 10 visitors would not leave with a bad impression of the Smashers. Protecting their public image was very important.

The cameramen were all set for filming. The guests about to arrive, and there to greet them at the front door was the MTV president. He orchestrated this whole thing and was eager to meet the contest winner and his 9 friends. They were sure to be nice people.

The time had come. The guests were here. They came to the door, and the MTV president greeted them. "Welcome contest winner to the Smash Mansion! I am the MTV president, and you must be Mr. ZW. We are glad to have you with us for the filming of the season premiere of _The Real Smash Bros._"

ZW was happy to be there too, and he introduced his 9 friends. "These are the 9 friends I chose to have accompany me on this joyous occasion. First I will introduce you to the females. These are Lydia, Emily, Missy, Brittney, and Molly. Now here are the males: Adam, Brendan, Steven, and Phillip. We all went to high school together."

ZW and his friends got acquainted with the Smashers. ZW went to mingle with Pikachu, Samus and Lucario. "So, I finally get to meet Pikachu, my favorite Smasher." Pikachu jumped on ZW's shoulder so he could pet him. Lucario said, "Pikachu has taken a liking to you ZW." Samus then said, "I can tell. Me and Pikachu are very close."

Lydia went over to meet Ike, Marth and Meta Knight. "Ike, Marth, you both are very handsome" she said. Ike said, "thank you, you are too kind". Marth also was grateful for the compliment. Lydia said, "Meta Knight, I hear you are skilled with a sword too?" Meta Knight said "yes, I am very good with this sword." He demonstrated some of his moves with the sword.

Emily met up with the Mario Bros., who are of Italian descent like she is. "I grew up playing your games, I'm very excited to meet you", she said. Mario said in his Italian accent, "yes, my games are very popular around the world." Luigi has been in many of these games as well, but explained his celebrity status came from being part of Super Smash Bros., "for years I was considered the second banana, but when I came to SSB, I became popular in my own right."

Missy went to see Link and Zelda. "So, you _are_ a couple", she said. "Yes we are", said Link. "Zelda has been part of my life all my life. I am very protective of her." Zelda chimed in as well. "Well, he might be a little _over_protective, he gets very defensive when someone gets near me."

Brittney met up with Captain Falcon and Snake, who were known for competing for Samus Aran's love. "Is it true you hate the city of Toronto, Falcon?" she asked. "Yes, Toronto sucks balls. It is a really bad place for people to go to", he said. "He especially hates the Maple Leafs, he once feuded with Tie Domi", Snake said. "He feuded with a hockey player?" Brittney asked. "Yeah, it was real nasty", Snake said.

Molly wanted to meet Fox and Falco. She said, "protecting the galaxy must be very strenuous, huh?" Fox said, "yes, Star Fox has saved the galaxy several times. Falco can confirm that".

"We have dealt with a mad scientist, a dinosaur, and some Borg-like villain", Falco said, "every year there is some sort of threat to the galaxy and we must stop it." Molly said, "is it possible I could join you?" Fox said, "I don't know, I will think about it".

Adam met up with Peach and Bowser. "You two certainly have a long history with each other," he said. "Well, he keeps kidnapping me", Peach explained that Bowser wanted to marry her and have her co-rule the Koopa Kingdom. Bowser explained his actions over the years, "well, I was born evil, when you're born evil, you become obsessed with kidnapping beautiful women". "I know, I've played the games", Adam said.

Brendan went over to Kirby and King Dedede. "Pink is a cool color," Brendan said. "Poyo!" said Kirby. "Kirby can't really speak English. He is of another being. He acts like a child", said King Dedede. Brendan had a gift for Kirby – a cake. Kirby was quite the eater, he could eat just about anything.

Steven met Sonic the Hedgehog. "How does it feel to be the fastest being on Earth?" he asked Sonic, who said "pretty cool. I can outrun just about anybody. My speed has helped saved the world many times." Steven said that he knew someone just as fast, Speedy Gonzales. Sonic said he has beaten Speedy in races several times.

Phillip met up with R.O.B., being a fan of robots and all. "So, you can't feel emotions, that must suck", Phillip said. R.O.B. said, "affirmative, I do not even know the meaning of the word emotion." Phillip said, "you ever see the _Transformers_ movies?" R.O.B. said, "yes I have, they were good."

Throughout the day, the 10 visitors mingled with the Smashers. The best footage from the day was compiled into three episodes, making the season premiere a three-part episode.

The episodes will air in September over three Tuesdays.

**Well, this was pretty good. The characters of the 10 visitors are based off of me (ZW) and 9 of my friends (the others) from when I went to school. The idea of a contest came to me a few days ago. This is the best episode yet IMO.**


	10. Pikachu and Buneary's Announcement

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., Pikachu receives some news that will drastically change his life.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

Pikachu was enjoying a meal of several different kinds of cheese for lunch. This was his favorite meal, being that he is a mouse, and mice like to eat cheese. The Smash Mansion had a room that essentially served as a large refrigerator, but the only food in that room was cheese of all different kinds.

It was regularly maintained by several of the Mansion's employees, who made sure to throw out any cheese that had went bad. It was a stringent operation, with many taking shifts in maintaining the room.

Pikachu's friend, Samus was shopping at Best Buy to buy some DVDs of movies featuring mice in prominent roles. Among the titles were _An American Tail_, _MouseHunt_, and _The Tale of Desperaux_. Pikachu was sure to love these movies. Samus knew Pikachu very well, right down to knowing what he likes.

Samus returned to the Mansion with the DVDs, and showed them to Pikachu. "Hey Pikachu, look what I got!" she said. Pikachu looked at the DVDs, and said, "how did you know I liked these movies?" Samus explained that she had a motherly instinct.

At that moment, the door rang, and the butler, who happened to be Pip from _South Park_, answered. "Hello, who might this be?" Pip asked. "I'm Dawn, I'm a friend of Pikachu. This here is my Piplup, and this is my Buneary." The blue-haired teenage girl came over because Buneary had some major news for Pikachu, who as you know, is trained by Ash.

Pip took Dawn inside and brought her to Pikachu. Dawn told Pikachu that Buneary had some major news for him, and said that they should be alone when she delivered the news. Pikachu took Buneary to his room. Buneary began to speak, in an English accent.

"Pikachu, we have been together for so long," Buneary said. "What about it Buneary?" Pikachu said. "We really enjoy each other's company. We have had some great times, and some of them were really intimate."

Pikachu said, "yeah I know, but what are you trying to say Buneary?" Buneary said, "well, the other day I was at the Pokemon Center, doing a routine check-up. We did some tests, and I found out something that will change our lives for the better."

Pikachu said, "what is it Buneary?" Buneary said, "Pikachu, I would like to announce that, I am pregnant with our children. We're going to parents to a litter of tiny Pichu and little Buneary!"

Pikachu was at loss for words. He took a long while to take all of this in. He just found out he was going to be a father. This was a real life-changing announcement for the yellow electric mouse. It seemed like not all that long ago that he himself was a Pichu.

Pikachu finally spoke. "Wow, Buneary, this is a really happy occasion. I can't believe I'm going to be a father! We have to tell everybody! That includes Ash and all his friends."

Pikachu and Buneary became the second couple Ash knew that would have children. Cilan and Iris have been married for some time, and now live in Twin Peaks, Washington, where they were falsely accused of murdering a teenage girl in the same way Laura Palmer died 25 years before. Cilan and Iris were too busy in the upbringing of their twins (one boy and one girl) to come to the Smash Mansion. They actually like living in Twin Peaks because they think it is a quaint little town (they couldn't be more naïve).

But before making the announcement to all in the Smash Mansion, Pikachu first decided to tell Samus in private. Pikachu ran over to Samus, and began to talk. "Samus, today, I found out something that is gonna change my life completely."

Samus said, "what is that, Pikachu?" He said, "my girlfriend, Buneary, came over, and told me she was pregnant with my children. I'm gonna be a dad. This is the happiest day of my life."

Samus said, "congratulations Pikachu, we should let everyone in the Mansion know." Samus went up to Master Hand's office, and began to speak. "Master Hand, Pikachu has an announcement to make, we need to get everyone in the theater like right away." Master Hand said, "um, OK Samus, that may have been right out of the blue, but I'll tell everyone over the PA."

Samus also called Ash and all his friends over so they could hear the announcement too. This was going to be a major event, and Ash needed to be there to find out about Pikachu's new status.

Everyone went to the theater (which, by the way, can be used for stage shows and movies, it can be converted from a stage theater to a modern movie theater and vice versa with just one button), where Samus went up on the stage and began to speak. At her side were Pikachu and Buneary.

Ash said to Misty, "what is the big news regarding Pikachu?" Misty said, "I don't know Ash, but it sure seems really big."

Samus said, "listen everyone, I have a major announcement to make. All of you know Pikachu, some of you for 15 years now. Some of you know his girlfriend, Buneary. They have been together for 7 years now. Today, Pikachu and Buneary received some very special news. Buneary is pregnant with a litter of Pichu and baby Buneary that were fathered by Pikachu. In other words, Pikachu and Buneary are going to be parents."

Everyone in the room gave the two Pokemon thunderous applause. This was an exciting news story for the Smashers, as well as for Ash and friends. Pikachu was going to be the first Smasher to become a parent, before even Mario and Peach, or Link and Zelda, were to become parents. Fox said, "we haven't had any Pichu live in the Mansion since Pichu Big left in 2008". Falco said, "I know right?" Everyone began talking about the news, and came to an agreement.

Ash, Misty, May, Drew, Dawn, Kenny, Clemont, Serena, Max and Bonnie all came up on the stage to make another announcement. Ash was the one to actually say it. "Well, with the announcement that my Pikachu and Dawn's Buneary are going to be parents, we have all decided we are going to move in to the Smash Mansion with all of you. And us and all the Smashers will take part in the upbringing of Pikachu and Buneary's children."

The 10 Pokemon trainers were to occupy five rooms. Ash and Misty were in one, May and Drew in another, Dawn and Kenny also will share a room, as well Clemont and Serena, and Max and Bonnie. Brock on the other hand, now lives with Suzie in Quahog, Rhode Island.

Of course, some of the Smashers will probably be moving out on October 3. That is the day the 3DS _Smash Bros._ game comes out, and the newcomers will all move in on that day.

But let us not take away from the announcement that Pikachu and Buneary were to become parents. This was a joyous occasion. Another room is to be set up for their offspring. Pikachu also informed all his mouse friends on Facebook of the news. They were very excited that Pikachu was to become a father.

**Well there you have it. Pikachu and Buneary are now expecting some cute baby Pokemon. Well, of course, while in actual Pokemon media all Pokemon capable of producing offspring lay eggs, but since Pikachu and Buneary are mammals (mouse and rabbit, respectively), I thought it would be more realistic for Buneary to become pregnant and give live birth, like real mammals. Eventually, I am going to write an episode where everyone witnesses the miracle of childbirth as Buneary gives birth to her litter.**

**Of course, in my universe, while Pokemon usually only say syllables of their own name, in secret all Pokemon are actually capable of speaking English. They can choose who to reveal this secret to, and so far Pikachu has only told Samus and Ash's mom, with strict instructions not to reveal this to anyone. This is a reference to the TV show **_**Pound Puppies**_** on the Hub Network, wherein the dogs can speak English, but do not reveal it to any humans (except in one case). **


	11. SPCL - You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello

This is not an episode per se, but rather a list of why the departing characters departed and an introduction to the newcomers (and one returnee absent from Brawl).

I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.

_Farewells_

Lucas – he left Smash Bros. so he could finally live a life as a normal teenager, something he had not been able to do during the events of _Mother 3_ and since becoming a Smasher. In his words, "I just want to be an average American teen. Not a celebrity like Jared Gilmore or Chloë Grace Moretz. Being in the spotlight was really a burden on me." Influencing his decision to leave was an incident in 2011 in which he witnessed Falco shoot Snake with an actual gun after an argument, which traumatized Lucas greatly.

Pokemon Trainer (including Charizard, Ivysaur, Squirtle) – "when I joined Smash Bros., my life was falling apart. I had started to fail as a Pokemon trainer, and my gambling cost me all of my money too. I turned to alcohol to drown my sorrows, but one night I drank too much and I ended up in the hospital. I was passed out on the street, and a fan of mine was fortunate enough to see that I was in such a bad state. After the bout of alcohol poisoning, I began attending AA meetings, and also joined other organizations that were against underage drinking. When I stumbled upon a poster asking for new Super Smash Bros. fighters, I became interested, and took my Charizard, Ivysaur, and Squirtle with me. Master Hand was really impressed, and took me in under his wing. These past six years have been the best of my life, but I feel it is time for me to go. I'm going to re-launch my career as a Pokemon trainer. I hope to win many leagues like I did in my heyday."

Wolf – he left Smash Bros. because he couldn't live with the guilt of being an intergalactic fugitive. He felt bad that all the other Smashers were harboring him. He decided to turn himself in to the Intergalactic Police. In his words, "I shouldn't have been there. I put my fellow Smashers at risk of arrest just so I could enjoy being a celebrity. I decided that enough was enough and that I should turn myself in. I didn't expose the other Smashers though. So now I can finally be at peace, knowing that I am behind bars."

Snake – he left Smash Bros. because of his failed attempts at wooing Samus Aran. He also wanted to pursue other opportunities, like playing in the National Football League. "Well, when I joined Smash Bros., I enjoyed all the perks. But there was one girl which got my attention – Samus Aran. Unfortunately, I was at constant odds with Captain Falcon over getting her affection. She wasn't thrilled at my flirting with her either. Pikachu shocked me every time I tried to flirt with her. And so, I'm going to pursue a career in the NFL. Right now I am trying out for the Baltimore Ravens as a running back. They are in need of one since they cut one for beating his wife. I hope I make it on the team. I really want to win a Super Bowl."

Ice Climbers – they left Smash Bros. after 13 years to pursue careers as Ice Pokemon trainers. They became fascinated with Ice Pokemon after joining Smash Bros., as Articuno was once among the Pokemon one could summon from a Poke Ball. During their time as Smashers, they took winter, and especially Christmas, very seriously. They were very passionate about the celebration of Christmas, more so than the other Smashers. Even when it wasn't winter, the Ice Climbers still found ways to feel very cold. Christmas and winter will not be the same without the Ice Climbers around.

And now, we introduce the newcomers.

Charizard (as stand-alone character) – this is the same Charizard that belongs to Ash Ketchum. This makes him the second of Ash's Pokemon to fight in Smash Bros., the first being Pikachu. As a Charmander, he was abandoned by a trainer named Damien for allegedly being too weak. After he demonstrated how strong he could be, Damien wanted him back, but he said no and chose to join Ash's team instead. Once he evolved into Charmeleon, however, he became disobedient, at one point beating up a Paras which Ash said only to use weak attacks against. Things did not change that much once he evolved into Charizard, he originally only did so as a means of having a better chance against an Aerodactyl that had defeated him earlier. For a while, Charizard would fight for Ash only if _he_ wanted to, like against Blaine's Magmar on Cinnabar Island. On the Orange Islands however, after a battle with a Poliwrath that left him frozen, Ash worked long and hard to save his life, as a result, Ash finally earned Charizard's trust. In Johto, Charizard began training with others of its kind in a place called Charific Valley, where he fell in love with a female Charizard, Charla. He returns to help Ash on occasion.

Bowser Jr. – with his entry into Smash Bros., he and his father become the first father-son Smasher duo. As a mere child, he shares some of the same interests as Ness and Toon Link, but since he is on the side of evil, he has more in common with his father and Ganondorf.

Dark Pit – he is the complete opposite of Pit in terms of personality and everything else. Everything that Pit opposes, Dark Pit supports. For example, whereas Pit does not like _South Park_, Dark Pit is a fan of the series. Also, whereas Pit opposes homosexuality, Dark Pit supports it. Dark Pit also takes part in sinful activities like most other Smashers (such as drug use), but Pit does not. A running gag is that none of the other Smashers (except Palutena) can tell the difference between Pit and Dark Pit, leading to mass confusion.

Duck Hunt Dog and Duck – the Dog has dissociative identity disorder, wherein he assumes the personalities of various other fictional dogs (like Droopy, Brian, or even Lucky from _Pound Puppies_) or celebrities which are tied into dogs somewhat (like Snoop Dogg, DMX, or Duane Champan). The Dog also tends to laugh at others' misfortunes, something which is not only like Muttley, but also a behavior which dates back to his own game. The Duck on the other hand, models his personality on Daffy Duck. The Duck has personality traits from all the incarnations of Daffy, including the "screwball" side of him and the "greedy" side of him. The Dog is also an avid player of poker.

Greninja – turtles aren't the only cold-blooded animals that can be ninjas. Greninja is in Smash Bros. to demonstrate this. As a frog, Greninja's favorite food is insects. He also likes to sing and dance while wearing a top hat and holding a cane. Being a Water-type Pokemon, he likes to swim when not Smashing.

Little Mac – he has joined Smash Bros. as a means of earning extra money when not boxing. When he trains for a fight, he likes to listen to certain songs from the _Rocky_ movies – like "Gonna Fly Now", "Eye of the Tiger", and "No Easy Way Out". He is from Brooklyn, like the Mario Bros. are.

Lucina – considered a female version of Marth, she became a Smasher when she noticed there were very few female Smashers previously. Unlike most other Fire Emblem characters, Lucina is straight. She has not been able to win the affections of the males from Fire Emblem however, since they mostly are either gay or bi.

Mega Man – he is one of two Smashers to have appeared both in a Western animated television series (the Ruby-Spears Mega Man show) and in an anime television series (Mega Man NT Warrior). He is a robot, much like R.O.B., but unlike him, he is capable of actual human emotions (like the robots on _Futurama_). Also like the _Futurama_ robots, he drinks alcoholic beverages to fuel him (as opposed to Bowser and Ganondorf, who drink for pleasure). It is apparent that he has watched _Futurama_ before, as he often invokes many of Bender's catchphrases, like "bite my shiny metal ass". This is surprising to many, since Mega Man is supposed to be childlike in demeanor.

Mii Fighters – they are capable of altering their appearance to match public demand and/or their mood, and have three different sets of attacks. They can change their appearance to be female or male, to be of any race, and can speak every language in the world fluently.

Pac-Man – one of the first video game characters to become beloved icons, he is the only Smasher to have appeared in his own cartoon series that was produced by Hanna-Barbera (whose work in turn has influenced many aspects of the Pokemon TV series). Pac-Man solely eats pellets and super pellets, and boasts of his work for Hanna-Barbera to the other Smashers. He is deeply afraid of ghosts, which stems from the fact that he usually runs from them in his own video games.

Palutena – she and Pit are very like-minded as they both come from the same game series, are heavenly beings, and share the same viewpoints on everything. For example, she also abhors _South Park_ and homosexuality, and has criticized Viacom for continuing to allow _South Park_ to be produced and aired on Comedy Central. She is ashamed of the fact that the same company which produces shows like _SpongeBob SquarePants_, _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_, and _Winx Club_ is also the producer of _South Park_.

Robin – actually not one character, but two. Robin is the name of both a male and a female, and they are twins. The fact that they are both named Robin leads to mass confusion. For instance, when Ike was talking to both at the same time, he said, "Robin you look pretty sexy", and the female Robin said "thank you Ike", but then Ike said "no, I meant your brother, I'm gay".

Rosalina and Luma – Rosalina is a princess from outer space, and one of Peach's BFFs. She is always accompanied by a Luma, which assists her in fights. Many have commented on how she looks like Elsa from _Frozen_. In that regard, whenever another Smasher walks by her, he/she sings "Let It Go".

Shulk – he is the latest swordsman to be confirmed to join, and like the Fire Emblem newcomers, is expected to develop a feud with Link, as he considers himself a better swordsman than the other Smashers who wield swords (except Toon Link, who he sees as a kid brother). The fact that his name also contains the substring "Hulk" has led to jokes that make reference to The Incredible Hulk, among them, Smashers often use the phrase "Shulk Smash!".

Villager – there are actually two Smashers who fight under this name, one male and one female. They find that the Smash Mansion is better than the houses they once lived in in Smashville. Since they do not have actual names, people just call them "Villagers".

Wii Fit Trainer – like Robin and Villager, there are actually two Smashers with this name. One is male and one is female. Being fitness experts, they follow a strict diet and do not eat junk food. They want to help the other Smashers work out once every week as well.

And finally, we have someone absent from Brawl who returns to the ring.

Dr. Mario – he is simply Mario with a doctor outfit on and with doctor-based attacks. He has served as the official doctor for all the Smashers since day one (1999). Mario turned his doctor persona into another Smasher from 2001-2008, then went back to just being a doctor for the last six years. Dr. Mario is also a drug dealer and drug lord. He has supplied drugs to many of the other Smashers (which former Smasher Roy revealed in interviews in 2008 as well as his autobiography that same year), and runs a drug empire that is so secret that not even the US government knows about it. A running gag is that "plumber" Mario and Dr. Mario are never seen in the same room at the same time, except during a fight.

**Well there you have it, a rundown on why certain Smashers left, and introductions to all the newcomers.**


	12. Moving Day

**On Saturday, September 13, 2014, SSB 3DS was released in Japan. On that day, the departing characters moved out of the Smash Mansion, and the newcomers moved in. So today's episode will focus on Moving Day. Oh and by the way, a human hunter will be accompanying the Duck Hunt Dog and Duck – read to find out who it is.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

_(Saturday, September 13, morning, about 7 AM)_

For the past 2 days, all the characters leaving Super Smash Bros. have been packing their belongings. Moving Day was to be a solemn day in one regard, and a happy day in another. 5 characters were moving out today. They were happy to be a part of Smash Bros., but now they decided to pursue new interests. Where their lives would head from there, no one knew.

Lucas was finishing up packing his belongings when his best friend, Ness, walked into his room. "Hello Ness," Lucas said. "Lucas, I want to speak with you for a few minutes," Ness said. Lucas told him to go ahead. Ness began to say what was on his mind. "Lucas, these past six years have been the best years of my life. Knowing that I was living with another psychic kid made me real happy. Through thick and thin, you have been there for me when I needed you the most. You have been my best friend all this time. I don't know what I am going to do without you. I'm really going to miss you, bro."

Lucas said, "Ness, I've enjoyed these past six years too. I know you understand why I am leaving. You have said that before. You have been there for me too, but now I want to live a normal life. We can still like chat on Skype though. All I really want though is to be an average American teenager. Living here these past six years, I have not aged a second. Once I'm in the real world, I will begin to age again. But I promise, we will still chat on Skype whenever I am not in school or busy with homework. I'm gonna be moving to Houston, Texas, where I will be attending Carnegie Vanguard High School. I'm one of the most gifted teens in the whole United States. Carnegie Vanguard is one of the best high schools in the country. After I graduate, I am looking to attend a Pac-12 college."

Ness said, "wow Lucas, you got into Carnegie Vanguard? No one else I know has been accepted into Carnegie Vanguard. I wish you the best of luck Lucas, I want you to be successful in life." Lucas said, "thank you Ness, I will make the most of this opportunity and I will tell you about the school after my first day there."

In his room, Pokemon Trainer was almost done packing up his belongings as well. He was very thankful for the opportunity to be a Smasher – although his Ivysaur, Charizard and Squirtle did all the fighting for him. When he first applied for Smash, his life was going downhill. As an actual Pokemon Trainer, he had become a mere shadow of his former self, and he lost all his money to a gambling addiction afterward. He turned to drinking for a while, but stopped after a night of heavy alcohol abuse sent him to the hospital. He is now 100% sober, and being part of Smash Bros. turned his life around. As he finished up packing, Master Hand came into his room, and Pokemon Trainer began to speak to him.

"Well, these past six years have been a blast. Master Hand, if it were not for you, I would be dead now from alcohol abuse. I still remember that day, when, early into my treatment for alcoholism, I found that poster for new Smash Bros. tryouts. When you accepted me as a Smasher, I was so elated. You helped me turn my life around. I haven't had a sip of alcohol since I joined this competition, and I will never drink that stuff again. You have been a real inspiration for me Master Hand, I thank you for taking me under your wing. I have been inspired to take up Pokemon training again, and try to return to my former glory."

Master Hand then said, "Pokemon Trainer, I'm glad I was able to help you turn your life around. You were pretty good as a Smasher. Smash Bros. is very different from Pokemon battling indeed. When I created Smash Bros. back in 1999, I only intended it to be a small-time sporting event aired on an ad-hoc network of local television stations in the Northwestern United States, back then Smash Bros. headquarters was in Seattle, where Nintendo of America is based. After a few weeks of extremely high ratings, national interest was high, and it was picked up by NBC to air Saturdays after _Saturday Night Live_. As it grew bigger, we decided that for the release of _Melee_, we would move to the Los Angeles area and build a dedicated Smash Mansion – which has been expanded and remodeled as Smash grew even bigger. We now have 52 fighters participating. I wish you the best of luck in your renewed Pokemon training career."

In his room, Snake was almost done packing his belongings. He was famous in Smash Bros. for being the first non-Nintendo character to apply for being a fighter and the first to be accepted. As soon as he began competing, he fell in love with bounty hunter Samus Aran. Unfortunately, he incurred the wrath of another bounty hunter, Captain Falcon, in doing so. Falcon said he had eyes on Samus first – which was true, since he and Samus have been Smashers since day one. Snake and Falcon entered into a rivalry, based mainly on the competition for the affections of Samus. When the Smashers adventured through the Subspace Emissary in 2008, Samus bonded with (Ash's) Pikachu. After the adventure was over, Pikachu would often shock Snake when he tried to flirt with Samus.

Snake is leaving Smash not only because Samus never requited feelings back, but also to check out other career opportunities. Just as Snake finished packing, Captain Falcon walked into his room. "Hey Snake, I just want to say these past six years have been great. Yes I know we were feuding, but it was good for our images and for Smash Bros., unlike my feud with Tie Domi. It is a nice gesture that you are letting me have Samus to myself. So, where are you heading from here Snake?"

Snake said, "well, I'm moving to Baltimore where I will be trying out for the Ravens as a running back. Earlier this week, they had cut one of their running backs after a video showing him beating his now-wife emerged on TMZ. It was a setback to not only his reputation, but to those of the Ravens and the NFL. Some are even saying the commissioner should be removed. I've always dreamed of being a star play in the NFL, and now is my chance."

Captain Falcon said, "well, Snake, good luck in trying to make the Ravens. If you make the team, beware when you go to Pittsburgh to play the Steelers. Their fans hate the Ravens, and are very obnoxious." Snake said, "I will keep that in mind, Captain Falcon. Rivalries are a strong part of sports. I know that for a fact, having been part of one the past six years."

Wolf was also packing up his belongings in his room. The reason he is leaving Smash Bros. is because he is turning himself in to the Intergalactic Police. He is wanted in several galaxies and on many planets for numerous crimes, which are too many to list. He will be going to a prison which treats its inmates very well, to the point where incoming inmates are allowed to bring anything they want to the prison, as long as it is something that cannot be used as a weapon. Fox walked into his room and began speaking to him.

"Wolf, you're doing the right thing. By turning yourself in, you are putting one more criminal behind bars. We've been at odds for many years, but these past six years have been kind of fun, being able to physically take you on. I also want to thank you for not ratting the other Smashers out for harboring you these past six years. It would not be good for us if it was known we were all harboring a fugitive."

Wolf said, "Fox, I knew that by living here I risked getting you all arrested. Some of the other Smashers already have criminal records of their own. Like Luigi when he assaulted a nightclub bouncer in Brooklyn six years ago. Or King Dedede, who was recently found guilty of embezzling money from Wario. I want to do the right thing here. I'll probably be locked up for 30 years. But I will never forget the time I spent living here and being a Smasher. All the other Star Wolf members are in prison right now. In fact, they are in the same prison I am going to. So I will get to see them again."

The Ice Climbers were also packing their belongings as they look to begin a new career as Pokemon trainers specializing in Ice-types and select other Pokemon that look like they could be Ice-types but are not (such as Suicune and the Piplup line). They intend to start an Ice-type Gym of their own one day. They have been Smashers longer than any other departing Smasher, having been part of it for 13 years. Before Smash Bros., they were little-known characters from a little-known game. Smash Bros. turned them into celebrities, and got them interested in Ice Pokemon. During their time as Smashers, they were more passionate about Christmas and winter than any other Smasher. During December, they would make the other Smashers watch Christmas specials and movies with them. Christmas and winter in the Smash Mansion will not be the same without the Ice Climbers around.

Five moving vans arrived at the Smash Mansion at 7:30 AM. Along with the vans, several movers arrived to help the Smashers pack all the departing Smashers' belongings into the five vans. With all this manpower, it took only 30 minutes before everything belonging to the five departing Smashers was loaded into each van. Lucas, Wolf, Snake, Pokemon Trainer, and the Ice Climbers bid one final farewell to the other Smashers, and all of them went into their cars to follow the moving vans to their new homes.

At 10:00 AM, many more moving vans arrived at the Smash Mansion. The new Smashers had all arrived. Two days earlier, they were at the Smash Mansion for orientation. The new Charizard was the first to come in the Mansion. He was greeted by his master, Ash Ketchum. "Charizard, nice to see you. I see that all that training at Charific Valley has finally paid off. Pikachu is gonna be stoked to see that you are here." Being a Pokemon, Charizard didn't really have any possessions of his own.

Bowser Jr. arrived next, accompanied by the Koopalings. They all have the same attacks, but only one of them usually would fight at a time. Bowser Jr. ran up to his father, Bowser. "Dad! I'm so glad to see you! I'm in Smash Bros. now too. We make history as the first father-son Smasher pair." Bowser said, "we sure do, son. I want you to meet my best friend, here he is." Bowser took his son over to see Ganondorf. "Bowser Jr., this is Ganondorf. We have a lot in common. We are both major villains for example. But beware. When we drink alcohol, we lose control big time."

Dark Pit went inside the mansion next, greeted by Pit. "So Dark Pit, we meet again. So how does it feel to be the complete opposite of me in every way?" Dark Pit said, "great. It's nice to be a fan of _South Park_, for example. Whereas you slam the show." Movers all brought Dark Pit's possessions into his new room. He was to live next door to Pit.

The Duck Hunt Dog and Duck came in next. The Dog said, "fo shizzle dizzle! Duck Hunt Dog is in the hizzouse!" The Duck Hunt Duck, who has a personality that merges all incarnations of Daffy Duck, and even has a similar voice to him, explained to some of the other Smashers why Duck Hunt Dog was talking like that. "Oh, the Dog has dissociative identity disorder. He often takes on the personalities of other fictional dogs, or real-life celebrities which are tied into dogs somewhat. Right now, he thinks he's Snoop Dogg. His impression of Snoop Dogg is dead on too." The butler, Pip Pirrup said, "we understand a hunter is moving in with you too?" The Duck said, "yes, he should be in any second now." Sure enough, a hunter wearing an orange hat, orange shirt, green vest, and brown trousers walked in and said, "hello everybody!" Pit said, "oh no, not him!" Pit's best friend Link said, "what is it Pit?" Pit said, "the hunter accompanying the Duck Hunt Dog and Duck happens to be Jimbo Kern. He's from _South Park_, which I despise so much." Jimbo walked up to Pit and said, "oh you're the angel who has been complaining to Comedy Central about the content of my show. Come on bro, it can't be that bad!"

Greninja was the next new Smasher to walk in. He was greeted by Lucario, who, as a Pokemon specimen who has the ability to speak English, acts as the interpreter for the other Pokemon Smashers. Greninja uttered his name and its syllables several times. Lucario said, "Greninja is happy to be part of Smash Bros., he said. He hopes to be the best Smasher in the world."

Little Mac was next to enter the Smash Mansion. He was greeted by the Mario Bros., who are from Brooklyn just like Little Mac. Mario said, "it's-a nice to have-a someone else-a from Brooklyn-a to participate in-a Smash." Little Mac said, in a New York accent, "it sure is nice to be with fellow Brooklynites. I joined Smash Bros. as a means of making extra money when I am not boxing."

Lucina walked in next. She was practically a female version of Marth. She was actually interested in Marth, whose definite sexual orientation has not been confirmed. On the other hand, Ike is known to be gay. Lucina said, "this is a pretty nice place. I could get used to living here."

Mega Man was next to walk inside. R.O.B. was the first to greet him. "Hello fellow robot. My name is Robotic Operating Buddy, but you can call me R.O.B. – for the past six years I was the only robot living here. It is nice to have another robot live in the Smash Mansion." Mega Man said, "well, when you've starred in both Western and Japanese animated series, you know you're ready to meet robots from other games. Now how about being nice and handing me a beer? I haven't had any alcohol to drink since before I left for the Smash Mansion. I need to drink to power my fuel cells."

The Mii Fighters were the next to come in. There was a Brawler, a Shooter, and a Swordsman. They could alter their appearance and gender at will. One second one of them could be a Caucasian female, the next they could be an African-American male. That is the nature of Miis.

Pac-Man walked in next. He was the first Smasher to get his own cartoon series, and the only one to have it produced by Hanna-Barbera. Pac-Man was proud of this fact, boasting about it to everyone he knew. Pac-Man told Pip, "I hope this mansion isn't haunted. I'm deeply afraid of ghosts." Pip said, "from what I know, there are no ghosts. So you do not need to worry."

Palutena walked inside the Mansion next. She was greeted by Pit. He said, "finally, another Smasher who has the same views on everything that I do." Palutena said, "definitely Pit. I'm glad to share the same views as you. It is a shame that most Smashers take part in decadence. But you and me, we are different. We live clean lives."

The twins that are both named Robin walked in next. Unlike the Ice Climbers, they do not fight as a pair. But they do have the same attacks. Ike walked up to both of them, and said, "hey there Robin, you look pretty sexy." Female Robin said, "thank you Ike, I'm glad someone already likes me." But then Ike said, "no Robin, I was talking to your brother. You see, I am actually gay." Female Robin said, "oh, I see Ike. I support you all the way." Male Robin said, "I've never been in love before. Maybe I will give you a chance Ike."

Rosalina and Luma were the next new Smashers to arrive inside. Like the Ice Climbers, they work together as a cohesive unit. Peach was excited to see Rosalina. The two are very best friends. Peach said, "hi there BFF, nice to see you are finally moving in. For the past 13 years, me, Samus, Zelda, Nana, and Jigglypuff have been the only Smashers who are female. Nana has left, but more of them, not just you, are coming today. Me, Samus and Zelda are very excited." Rosalina said, "it's nice to Smash alongside you, BFF. A lot of Smash Bros. fans are male, and a great number of them are chauvinistic when it comes to female Smashers. But we'll show them. Hey who is that fat biker dude over there?", pointing to Wario. Peach said, "that there is Wario. He's only in Smash Bros. for the money. All he cares about is money. He's so protective of his money that he went after King Dedede when it emerged he was embezzling money from him." Rosalina said, "I think I like him. I've always wanted a biker for a boyfriend." Peach said in shock, "really Rosalina? Why in the world would you want him as a boyfriend? He's rude, greedy, has garlic breath, and breaks wind frequently." Rosalina said, "that's why I like him."

Shulk was the next Smasher to walk in. Of all the new swordsmen and swordswomen, Shulk was the only one not from Fire Emblem. Link has already taken a disliking to Shulk and the new Smashers from Fire Emblem. Link considers himself to be the best swordsman in Smash Bros. (though he considers Toon Link as a little brother) and has feuds with the other swordsmen, notable Marth and Meta Knight.

Two Villagers walked in next. One was male, the other was female. They had no definite names, so they are referred to as Villagers (Male Villager and Female Villager, depending on which Villager one was talking to). They have lived in a nameless city for years, but are now living in the Smash Mansion as Smashers.

Finally, the Wii Fit Trainers walked in. There was a male one and a female one. The female said, "we will be helping you prepare for battles by having you exercise regularly. You can still continue your current diets though. Us however, we eat only healthy foods. We don't eat fatty foods like hamburgers or potato chips."

And there was one more newcomer of sorts - Alph. He is one of Olimar's best friends and uses the same attacks as Olimar, that is, he is dependent of Pikmin.

Over the next few hours, all the Veteran Smashers, along with the movers, helped the newcomers bring all their belongings inside and helped set up their rooms.

After all that was done, Samus ran up to Pikachu and said, "Pikachu, you're not gonna believe this. Duck Hunt Dog has only been here a few hours, and Ness is already doing 'red rocket' on him!" Pikachu said, "well Samus, Ness is a growing boy. He is curious about that kind of stuff naturally."

So, with all the Smashers settled in, the rest of the day proceeded like normal in the Smash Mansion. There would be no fights for the rest of September so that the new Smashers could get acclimated into living at the Smash Mansion.

October begins new television contracts with ESPN and Fox Sports 1 and 2. As mentioned earlier, Super Smash Bros. was originally a regional syndicated program in 1999 that was soon picked up by NBC. In 2001, Super Smash Bros. moved to CBS, who was looking to actually compete with _Saturday Night Live_ directly. As well, NBC was growing suspicious that David Geffen, the public head of Smash Bros., was merely a puppet for a higher power (which was actually true – the real brain behind SSB is Master Hand). CBS did not question this, and so had a healthy relationship with SSB. In 2008, the weekly program moved to ESPN, with monthly primetime specials on sister channel ABC except during college football season. SSB is now exclusive to cable for at least a year, with the new television contracts. ESPN would continue its weekly program on late Saturday nights (it starts later during college football season), while Fox Sports 1 (and sometimes, Fox Sports 2) would air a program on late Friday nights. After a year, Smash Bros. has the option to place monthly specials on the Fox network. As always, there will be pay-per-view events too. SSB has had PPV events since 1999, almost as soon as it started.

**Well, this was the longest episode I have written. Smash Bros. in this story is treated as a sporting event in a category similar to UFC. The Smashers, as you may notice, all live together underneath one roof, and no, it ain't trouble-proof. Oh I included some noticeable **_**South Park**_** references in this episode too. You should know which episode the one near the end of this chapter comes from.**


	13. Don't Know What U Got (Til It's Gone) P1

**Today's episode of **_**The Real Smash Bros.**_** is a very special one. Today, one resident of the Smash Mansion will learn some tragic news about a friend who had been serving in Korea.**

**This episode is dedicated to the memory of a friend of mine from elementary through high school that had joined the US Army a few years ago, came to Korea a few months ago, and was killed while serving this past Sunday.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

**WARNING - CONTAINS INTENSE SUBJECT MATTER. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

Ash Ketchum was preparing his Pikachu and Charizard for the numerous fights they would be taking part in starting in October. His Charizard moved in due to the public publicly demanding that a Charizard continue to compete in Super Smash Bros. after Pokemon Trainer, who seems to be a caricature of Ash (or maybe Ash is a caricature of Pokemon Trainer), departed to restart his own Pokemon training career after a long break, six years of which were spent competing in Smash.

Nine of Ash's friends were living in the Smash Mansion now as well. Among them was his girlfriend, Misty Waterflower. His other friends living there were also paired into couples – May Maple and Drew Rose, Dawn Diamond and Kenny Bebe, Clemont E. Brown (the E stands for Emmett, guess where that reference is from) and Serena Lemieux (who is in the same family as Pittsburgh Penguins legend Mario Lemieux), and Max Maple and Bonnie Brown (the younger siblings of May and Clemont, respectively). The other couples (except Max and Bonnie) had Pokemon on them, and Ash helped train his Pikachu and Charizard by practicing against Pokemon owned by his friends, as well against others Ash owned.

For many years, when Ash's Pikachu was out competing in a Smash Bros. fight, he would be traveled to an alternate dimension while Ash was asleep. Numerous times, Ash made visits to the Mansion, and interacted with the colorful inhabitants, even making friends with Samus Aran, through Pikachu's bond with her established during The Subspace Emissary.

Ash was excited to see his Charizard receive the same media exposure his Pikachu has seen the past 15 years. Surveys have shown that among the most popular animals in fiction are dragons like Charizard, and mice like Pikachu. Fictional mice, for the most part, have been better-received than real mice, which are viewed as vermin by many, however many like real mice and many of those people even have mice as pets.

Ash and his friend just moved into the Mansion a few weeks ago, when it was revealed that his Pikachu had impregnated Dawn's Buneary. They wanted to take part in the upbringing of Pikachu and Buneary's kids. Ash had been training with Pikachu and Charizard for several hours, when at 1 PM PDT, the doorbell rang.

Pip, one of many butlers working in the Smash Mansion (and the head butler), all of whom are English, answered the door. "Good afternoon," Pip said to the man, who was in an Army uniform. "Hello, you must be the head butler. Apparently, you are only 10 years old it seems." Pip said, "yes I am." The man said, "I understand my grandson lives here now." Pip said, "um, who am I speaking to exactly?" The man said, "I am Major General Harvey Ketchum of the Kanto Army. I served in Vietnam. My grandson's name is Ash. I was informed he has moved into this residence."

Pip said, "oh yes, Mr. Ketchum is living here now. I shall call for him." Pip took out a walky-talky manufactured by a company named Hawky (a reference to the first cartoon to star Foghorn Leghorn) and spoke to Master Hand. "Um, Master Hand, can you bring Ash Ketchum to the front door?" Master Hand said, "um, sure Pip, I shall let him know." Master Hand spoke over the PA system, "Ash Ketchum, you have a visitor at the front door." Ash paused his training of Pikachu and Charizard so he could go talk to the visitor.

Ash was stunned at the sight of his grandfather, wearing his Kanto Army uniform and carrying a triangle case with a folded-up Kanto flag. It should be noted that while Kanto is merely a state in the country of Poketta, there is not only federal armed forces like the Poketta Army, but each state maintains its own armed forces as well (in contrast to the United States).

Harvey, aged 72, said, "grandson, as you may know, I joined the Kanto Army in the 1960s just as it became involved in the Vietnam War. I rose up to the ranks to Lieutenant General throughout the years. It just so happened that my unit that I help command now had someone who was a really close friend of yours join like several months ago. My company is stationed in Korea. Your friend's name was Ritchie Cunningham, not to be confused with the resident of Milwaukee named Richie Cunningham who had a biker as his best friend."

Ash said, "yeah I know about Ritchie. We have been close since the Indigo League many years ago. I already knew he was in the Kanto Army." Harvey began to speak again. "Grandson, the reason why I came here today was not a happy one. You see I am holding a folded Kanto flag inside this triangle case? I have some bad news about Ritchie."

Ash said, "grandfather, what is it about Ritchie that is so bad?" Harvey said, "this past Sunday, Ritchie, well, how can I put this to you? Your friend Ritchie is with Arceus now." Ash immediately figured out what he meant by that statement, with his friends all watching as his grandfather delivered the news. Ash said while choked up, "Ritchie is...dead?"

Harvey began to speak again. "I am afraid so. The Kanto Army has not permitted me to reveal the cause of death yet, but I will let you know as soon as I can. His body is being flown back to his home town in Kanto. The funeral will be within the next week. Ash, I am really, really sorry."

Ash was at a loss for words. He had just been hit with the news that his best male human friend, Ritchie Cunningham (NOT Richie Cunningham from Milwaukee), had died while in service. Misty was really worried about her boyfriend. "Ash, are you OK? I know this is really hard news to take in, Ritchie was my friend too", she said. Serena said herself, "Ash, please say something."

Ash said nothing, instead, he left the Mansion alone and walked out, while perhaps the biggest hit ever by the Philadelphia hair metal band Cinderella, played in the background.

_Don't know what you got, 'till it's gone_

_Don't know what it is, I did so wrong, wrong, wrong_

_Now I know what I've got, it's just this song_

_And it ain't easy to get back, takes so long, long, long_

Fans of _South Park_ should be familiar with this song. It was played in the episode _Raisins_ after Stan found out that Wendy dumped him. But the personal tragedy that had befallen Ash was far, far worse. Nothing could hurt more than having a friend killed before his or her time.

As the chorus and ending of the song played, Ash walked the streets of Irvine, California, just as it began to rain (just like in the scene from _Raisins_). Just three days ago, Ash was pumped for the new Smash Bros. cards to be held starting in October. Now that was the last thing on his mind.

Ash sat down on the steps of Irvine's public library, holding out a picture of Ritchie that said, "you're my best friend forever, Ritchie". If you thought Stan was depressed in that _South Park_ episode, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Finally, Ash decided to head to a Denny's, where a couple of goth kids (not unlike those from _South Park_) were sitting at a table smoking and drinking coffee. These goth kids were all in their teens compared to the ones from _South Park_, with the exception of one who is 11 years old (in _South Park_, the youngest goth kid is around 5-6 years old).

Ash sat at the table next to the goths, who were talking about how evil "conformists" were. A waiter who happened to resemble (but was not) Tom Cruise walked up to Ash's table. He asked Ash what he wanted to drink. Ash said, "I will take a couple of Guinnesses". The Tom Cruise-like waiter said, "sorry sir, we do not serve alcoholic beverages". Ash did not care. "Look fudge-packer, I am in a bad mood, and if you do not supply me with Guinness beer, I will sue your f*bleep*ing ass off and this restaurant for everything you all have!" The waiter said, "OK OK, I'll get you a six-pack of Guinness, just please don't call me a fudge-packer OK? I hate being called that". (Guess what _South Park_ episode that references.) The waiter further said, "I just need to see an ID", and Ash flashed his ID, which gave his date of birth as September 7, 1988. He had just turned 26.

The waiter called for one of his co-workers to go to the liquor store next door and pick up a six-pack of Guinness beer (bottles that is). The co-worker walked back into Denny's with the beer, which she made sure came from the cold case, and gave it to Ash. It seemed that Ash was about to partake in the same thing that almost took Pokemon Trainer's life – alcohol abuse. Ash downed all six bottles of beer rather quickly.

It wasn't long before Ash was inebriated, but just as soon as he finished downing the last Guinness, Ash passed out. For a while, no one noticed he was passed out. As the next couple hours progressed, Ash's friends began to worry about him. Drew said, "I've called Ash like five times in the last five hours and he hasn't answered his phone. He must have like put it on silent mode just as soon as he left the Mansion."

Clemont said, "thankfully, all cellphones have GPS trackers now. I will track him using my GPS tracker." Clemont did exactly that, and the GPS revealed the location of Ash to his friends. " 14160 Culver Drive. That is the location of a Denny's," Clemont said. Misty said, "that's on the other side of town, we have to hurry and see if he is OK!" Given that nine people wanted to get to the Denny's, it was decided that Ash's friends would all get on the bus, which was only to be used for special occasions or in a emergency like this.

The bus driver looked a lot like Ralph Kramden, but his name was in fact, Kram Ralphden. He even sounded and acted like Ralph Kramden. When he was told he needed to bus Ash's friends over to the Denny's, he said, "one of these days Masty, one of these days these kids will cause trouble!" Kram agreed to bus them anyway.

This bus was capable of traveling normal car speeds, so it could go like 75 miles per hour. Kram drove as fast as he could to the Culver Drive Denny's. Sure, America's Diner is always open, but for Ash, it was a place to drown his sorrows. In like 10 minutes, the bus arrived at the Denny's, and Ash's friends all ran in, finding him passed out in a booth next to one being occupied by goths, alongside 6 empty Guinness bottles. Misty said, "oh dear Arceus, I hope Ash is alright." She shaked Ash's shoulder, and he woke up. "Wh-where am I?" Ash said. "What happened?"

Misty said, "from the looks of it Ash, you drank 6 bottles of beer, which Denny's isn't even licensed to serve." The Tom Cruise lookalike waiter walked up to the booth, saying, "he like threatened to sue me and the restaurant if one of our employees didn't provide him with beer, so naturally we had to get him beer."

Dawn said, "you realize that police could be called on you, your restaurant chain is not licensed to serve alcoholic beverages. You have to like, get rid of the evidence, pronto!" The waiter said, "OK, can do" and took all the beer bottles, caps and the case away and disposed of them. Ash said, "I have such a headache, I shouldn't have drank so much beer. I'm never drinking booze again."

Kenny, who put on a parka before leaving the Smash Mansion because it was still raining, said "Ash, we're taking you home so we can cure your hangover." However, no one could understand what Kenny had said, everyone just heard "mmpf mmpf mmm mmm raffa raffa raffa". That was because he had his hood up and closed mostly. May told Kenny to take his hood off and repeat what he said. Kenny did exactly that, and Ash said, "OK, let's go home".

Ash and his friends boarded the bus, and Kram drove them back to the Mansion. Once they were there, Ash was directed to the doctor's office located inside. "Hello, Mr. Ketchum-a. I'm a Dr. Mario. I'm-a being told-a you have a hangover-a", Dr. Mario said to him. Ash said, "well, yes, what do you have that can cure it?" Dr. Mario said he had some experimental pills that were being developed by a secret branch of the United States Government. They were called "Hangunders" and were a test batch that Dr. Mario obtained somehow, he couldn't reveal where he got them though.

Dr. Mario gave a "Hangunder" to Ash, who swallowed it down with a cup of Vernors Ginger Ale, normally not available in California. Though one could practically find any kind of soda in the Mansion, when it came to ginger ale, Master Hand preferred Vernors, which was a golden, sweeter ginger ale than Canada Dry or Seagram's (or even Schweppes).

About half an hour later, Ash felt all better, and his friends began to talk to him about the death of Ritchie. Max, now 18 years old, began to speak. "Ash, we want you to cheer up." Bonnie, also now 18, said "you can't keep letting yourself go Ash. You have to go live."

Ash said, "Why? What's the point of living when the closest human male to me outside my family is gone?" Drew sneered, "Arceus, what a fag!" Kenny reprimanded Drew, "dude, not now!" Ash said, "You guys are clueless as to how I feel. It's like, you always hear songs about losing a friend and you think it's just a damn metaphor? But it's true. My heart hurts. I feel this like, empty feeling inside my chest. It's broken."

May said, "Arc, he's worse than I thought." (Arc is a shortened form of Arceus, used as an euphemism in place of taking the name Arceus in vain.) Misty said, "well, what is there to do now?" Clemont said, "should I try telling him about my latest invention?" Misty said, "no, we just have to show him that he can make new friends that are part of the military. I say, we take him to Hooters." Max said, "what's Hooters?"

TO BE CONTINUED

**Well, I thought this would be good as a story arc. Basically, I'm combining the real life passing of my friend in the army with the **_**South Park**_** episode **_**Raisins**_**. But using characters from the Nintendoverse.**

**While most episodes of **_**The Real Smash Bros.**_** don't tend to have such a serious plot, I felt I needed to put a serious storyline in the "show" so that it wouldn't be just another "reality comedy".**

**One more thing, I am actually against the consumption of alcohol. From here on out, no character in this "show", other than Bowser, Ganondorf, or Mega Man, will be depicted as drinkers.**

**And to be in line with other reality shows, stronger profanities will now be written with some of the letters being replaced with *bleep*, like I demonstrated early in this chapter.**


	14. Setting Up Super Smash Metal Fest

**In the true spirit of "reality show fics", the storyline started in the last episode will not happen in consecutive chapters.**

**Today's episode will center on setting up a metal festival sponsored by Super Smash Bros., to be held at the Rose Bowl Stadium in late January.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

_(Conference room, early afternoon)_

The Smashers were in the Mansion's conference room discussing something really big. They were talking about what bands they wanted to play at a music festival SSB was sponsoring at the Rose Bowl in late January. The bands were to be of the same genre – heavy metal.

Right now, they were talking about a band which was very unlikely to reform for this festival. "Bowser, they have only played three shows in the last 35 years", Ganondorf said. Bowser said, "no metal festival is ever complete without the band that released the first perfected metal record." Marth said, "as much as I like Led Zeppelin myself, Bowser, our chances of getting them to play _Super Smash Metal Fest_ are slim to none."

Dr. Mario interjected, "how about Motley Crue?" Ness said, "of course you want Motley Crue, Doc, they play _your_ theme song!" Dr. Mario said, "I'm not called _Dr. Feelgood_ for no reason you know." Pikachu spoke up, but being a Pokemon, could only say his own name. Lucario understood him however, and translated what he said for the others. "Pikachu says he wants AC/DC to perform so he can see them play _Thunderstruck_."

Link said, "of course Pikachu would say that, he's an electric mouse that uses an attack called Thunder." Master Hand said, "calm down everybody, keep in mind that the festival is going to be 7 days long and will last from 9 AM to 1 AM each day. There will be plenty of time to see all the bands you want play the festival. And I can get everyone you want. I have connections."

Ash Ketchum, Pikachu and Charizard's owner, suggested a band. "How about Decipher?" Mario (not Dr. Mario, who has inexplicably disappeared) said, "who the hell-a is-a Decipher?" Ash said, "Decipher is a cover band that mainly covers metal and hard rock songs from the 1970s to the early 1990s. They always open their shows with a cover of the theme song from the 1980s _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ cartoon."

Ness said, "they play the _Ninja Turtles_ theme? Sweet!" Ash said, "that's not all. They are called Decipher because three of their members at one point or another stopped a criminal organization named Cipher from taking over the world – the lead singer, Wes Unseld, not to be confused with the former NBA player of the same name, the guitarist, Michael Jackson, not to be confused with the late King of Pop, and the drummer, Rui Valentine. Rounding out the band is bass guitarist Tracey Sketchit, a friend of mine from when I traveled the Orange Islands."

The others thought Decipher was really cool, and all agreed that they would play the festival. Fox then suggested a band. "How about Klondike? The hair band from Snowpoint City that bases many of their songs around themes relating to the cold. Like their recent cover album of songs from _Frozen_." Rosalina said, "I love that movie! Elsa looks a lot like me too! Characters from _Frozen_ are gonna appear on _Once Upon a Time_ this season too."

Falco said, "Klondike? The Ice Climbers love that band! Though they don't compete in SSB anymore, they are sure to come to Super Smash Metal Fest if they know Klondike is performing." Dark Pit then suggested a band, "how about Savatage? I think they kick ass!" Samus said, "Pit, you very well know that Savatage will only perform the festival if Trans-Siberian Orchestra performs as well. And TSO only knows Christmas songs and it would be awkward for them to play them in January." The real Pit then said, "excuse me, I'm Pit, and TSO has released two albums that have nothing to do with Christmas. So getting them to play will be no problem. Also, I think we should get Stryper to play." Wario said, "Pit, nobody wants to see a Christian band at a metal festival!" (A/N: I am actually a fan of Stryper)

Donkey Kong wanted to say something too. "How about Guns N' Roses since they play my theme song, _Welcome to the Jungle_? And I want the classic line-up to be there, not the tribute band that recorded _Chinese Democracy_." Ike said, "I don't know if we can get the classic line-up, DK, but we can sure get _a_ line-up of GNR for you." Toon Link said, "remember, we all agreed that all bands would perform with their classic line-ups or as close to them as possible at this festival?"

Ike said, "that's right Toon Link, we did agree to that." Master Hand said, "yeah, you know me, I can get any desired line-up of any band to play. For GNR, I can get both Steven Adler and Matt Sorum. GNR would play two sets. The first set would feature songs from their first two albums as well as _Civil War_ and have Adler on drums, the second set would feature other songs from the _Use Your Illusion_ albums and have Sorum on drums."

Lucario said, "I agree with having the classic GNR line-up, I love Slash as the guitarist." Wario said, "now, speaking of AC/DC, I want them to play _Moneytalks_ too." Peach said, "I would think you would say that, Wario." Jigglypuff then suggested a band, but like Pikachu could only say her own name. Lucario translated for her. "Jigglypuff wants Metallica at Super Smash Metal Fest, specifically for the song _Enter Sandman_."

Sonic said, "of course! It all makes sense now! Jigglypuff sings her opponents to sleep, _Enter Sandman_ is about going to sleep." Samus then decided to suggest some performers she wanted at Super Smash Metal Fest. "You know who I really want at the festival? Lita Ford, Girlschool and Vixen." All three performers were female, like Samus. Everyone agreed, since they festival didn't want to be accused of sexism.

Bowser then suggested another band. "This festival also needs Black Sabbath. As well, Ozzy Osbourne can do a solo set. One right after the other would be really good." Master Hand said, "that is genius Bowser. The fans can never get enough Ozzy." Just as Master Hand said that, his brother came barging in, wearing a fairy princess outfit. "Hey Master, do you think I look pretty?" Master Hand was exasperated, "Crazy, I am in a meeting. It is really important. Please, get the f*bleep* out! I will check your outfit out later."

Crazy Hand said, "oh, you better, big brother, I worked long and hard on it!" Crazy left and Master began speaking again. "I'm sorry. Crazy is really eccentric. Sometimes I regret letting him be a part of Smash Bros., but I wanted to make it a family enterprise." Captain Falcon said, "at least he is no Tabuu". Olimar said, "you got that right."

Meta Knight chimed in. "I'm surprised no one has mentioned Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Deep Purple, or Whitesnake yet. They could all play the festival. And since I am Mexican, I demand that one Mexican band be allowed to perform. Since all the metal bands suggested so far are classic metal, the band I am about to suggest is in a similar style. It is called Luzbel."

King Dedede said, "who?" Meta Knight said, "I anticipated that you would say that. I have prepared you all a sample CD of some of their songs. You will be surprised at how good they are. You will all find the sample CD on your beds."

Dedede said, "the CD aside, I have another suggestion. You know the band Dio? Well, they can't perform, their lead singer is dead. In their stead, the band formed from its ashes, The Dio Experience, is my suggestion. The instrumentalists from the last Dio line-up are joined by a singer that has a voice that sounds so much like the real Ronnie James Dio you'd swear he was Dio."

Male Robin wanted to suggest some bands. "How about Dokken, Poison, Cinderella, and Bon Jovi? For Bon Jovi, we can make them only perform their pre-1993 songs." His sister, female Robin, concurred. "Since this is a metal festival, that sounds reasonable."

Palutena wanted to chime in. "As for Pit's suggestion of Stryper earlier, I agree. But we should throw in like 2 or 3 more Christian metal bands too. Maybe Petra and Jerusalem?" Master Hand said, "Palutena is right, while this festival does focus on metal bands from the late 60s to early 90s, we have to be willing to include any type of metal from that period, even if you don't like it."

Male Villager suggested some bands. "How about KISS and Van Halen? They were the first 'pop-metal' bands. Not to mention Sammy Hagar." Master Hand said, "yes male Villager, all good ideas." Duck Hunt Dog, now sporting the personality and voice of Duane Chapman (AKA Dog the Bounty Hunter), said, "I was just wondering, Master Hand, what is your stance on newer metal?"

Master Hand said, "Well Mr. Chapman, we will let some newer metal acts in, but only if their material has an uncanny resemblance to a form of classic metal. Like for instance, we are inviting Nickelback, but their non-cover set list is limited to songs from their album _Dark Horse_, since that is a hair metal album. We are also inviting Wolfmother, because they sound a lot like late-60s/early-70s metal."

"Speaking of early 70s metal, how about Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Blue Oyster Cult, and Rush? No metal festival would be complete without those bands!" Little Mac wanted his voice heard as well. "I don't fear the reaper, and the day when school's out for summer is my favorite day out of the year", he added, in the process referring to hit songs by two of the performers he just mentioned.

Master Hand said, "all of those are good choices Little Mac, you all seriously have good taste. We haven't heard from the Mii Fighters yet. Do you have any suggestions?" Mii Brawler said, "why yes I do, I want to see White Lion, under one condition – under no condition can any member outside the classic lineup of White Lion perform on that stage in January claiming to be part of White Lion. I will only accept Mike Tramp, Vito Bratta, James LoMenzo, and Greg D'Angelo. If anyone other than those four is on that stage performing as White Lion I will sue."

Master Hand said, "I know Mii Brawler, this festival is all about getting classic lineups of all our favorite metal bands together. I ensure you that the White Lion you will see is the White Lion that originally recorded _Wait _and _When the Children Cry_. Now, Mii Gunner, what bands do you want to see at Super Smash Metal Fest?" Mii Gunner began to voice his opinion. "I would say Warrant, but Jani Lane is dead. You did say the one exception to the classic lineup rule is if the lead singer is dead. That rules out Quiet Riot as well, so we won't be coming on and feeling the noise. Girls won't be rocking their boys. But I know that WASP can come play. Blackie Lawless is alive and well. Tesla would be nice too. And so would Scorpions, Slaughter, and Queensryche, which also has to be classic lineup."

Master Hand said, "you are all suggesting some really good bands here, now Mii Swordfighter, what bands do you want?" Mii Swordfighter began to speak, "Motorhead!" Master Hand said, "good choice, we will get Motorhead on the bill. There are still 35 Smashers or in the case of the Koopalings, a group of Smashers making decisions together, that still need to suggest bands."

Rosalina began to speak up. "well, I've heard great things about Manowar. I think they should definitely play." Zelda was the next to suggest a band. "I'd love to see Helix. I love the song which goes, give me an R-O-C-K." Master Hand said, "that is a good suggestion Zelda."

Falco was next to say what band he wanted to see at Super Smash Metal Fest. "You know, I think Budgie is still together, they should play." Wario followed up on this, "Hell yeah! Their song _Breadfan_ is my life!" Falco said, "I knew you would say that Wario. All you care about is money. That's the only reason you are a Smasher. You are only in it for the money."

Master Hand said, "OK, that's enough of that, 32 of us still need to suggest bands." Peach suggested a band from Boston, Mass. – "how about Extreme? They made two acoustic songs that make me think of my relationship with my dear Mario", holding Mario close as she said this. Master Hand said, "Peach, what have I said about public displays of affection? Anyway, good suggestion." Peach said, "oh, sorry boss." Master Hand said, "maybe at least not in front of me."

R.O.B. was next to make a suggestion. "Def Leppard" he flatly said in his stereotypical robotic voice. Drew Rose said, "oh I love that band. I always sing _Pour Some Sugar on Me_ on karaoke night. And you all know who I sing it to as well", pointing to his girlfriend, May Maple, with whom he liked to get kinky. Marth said to Drew and May, "get a room you two!" Master Hand said, "Def Leppard is good. They are the premiere British pop metal band. Who else has ideas for bands?"

Pac-Man said, "Jackyl, they combine hair metal with southern rock. They're like Poison meets Lynyrd Skynyrd with explicit lyrics." Ganondorf was next to speak up. "How about Saxon? They are one of my favorite British bands in metal." Master Hand said, "good choices both of you, 28 more Smashers still need to speak up." Wario said, "how about Triumph? Another Canadian band will bring in more Canadian fans. Like Terrance and Phillip. They are my favorite Canadian celebrities, and I think you know why." Master Hand said, "yeah, Wario. We know why you like Terrance and Phillip."

Sheik said a band she wanted to see next. "I want to see Great White. I'm once bitten, twice shy for their lead singer." Ike said, "isn't that the band that burned down a nightclub in Rhode Island 11 years ago?" Sheik said, "not exactly. A copycat band was performing the night the Station burned to the ground. The band had no business putting 'Great White' in its name." Ike said, "oh, I see."

Ike's friend Marth made his suggestion next. "What do I want to do with my life! I wanna rock! With Twisted Sister at Super Smash Metal Fest that is." Luigi said, "but won't they incite a riot if they play _We're Not Gonna Take It_?" Marth said, "of course not Luigi, Twisted Sister fans are not like that...anymore." Master Hand said, "you are all making good suggestions, keep them coming!"

Greninja made his suggestion, but could only do so by saying syllables of his own name like most Pokemon. Lucario was called on to translate for him. "Greninja says he wants Skid Row there. And with Sebastian Bach on vocals." Master Hand said, "Bach will sing with Skid Row, Greninja, I will make sure of that." Ness said, "that's the band that originally did _Youth Gone Wild_. I'm going to use the Asking Alexandria cover as my entrance music starting Friday. I had been using the original version for years."

Samus said, "of course you would use that song Ness. In Smash, you are literally, a youth going wild. Same could be said of the other child Smashers that have competed over the years like Pichu and Lucas." Speaking of child Smashers, Bowser Jr. has decided what band he wants to see at Super Smash Metal Fest. "I want to see Ace Frehley's solo band. If he's gonna play with Kiss he should do his solo act too."

Female Wii Fit Trainer spoke up next. "Bulletboys would be nice. _Smooth Up in Ya_ is my favorite workout song." Master Hand began to speak again. "All of these are good, we still need to hear from 22 other Smashers. Keep the bands coming!" Mega Man said, "I am not afraid to be pulled under if Dream Theater performs at the festival."

Mr. Game and Watch, an old-timer, made his suggestion next. "Has anyone heard of the band Accept? They have an awesome song called _Balls to the Wall_. They need to be at that festival!" Male Wii Fit Trainer voiced out his opinion next. "I want Grim Reaper at the festival. Yes there is actually a band called that. _See You in Hell_ is _my_ favorite workout song."

Female Robin took her turn in suggesting a band next. "Fates Warning sounds like they could draw a large crowd. I have all their CDs." Kirby was next to make his suggestion. All he could say was "poyo, poyo, poyo!" But Meta Knight understood what Kirby said. "Kirby says he wants Night Ranger at Super Smash Metal Fest. Since we can all still rock in America, why not have Night Ranger?" Master Hand said, "great bands everyone, but we still need to hear from 17 of you."

Yoshi simply said "Yoshi!", but Lucario translated for him as well. "Yoshi wants Europe at the festival". Link said, "that is the band that does _Final Countdown_." Pit said, "I play that song every New Year's Eve at 11:55 PM." Toon Link made his suggestion next. "How about the band of the twin sons of Ricky Nelson?" Pit said, "you mean Nelson?" Toon Link said, "yes, they are great."

Alph suggested his band next. "Black N' Blue. They had a hit in 1984 with _Hold on to 18_. Their lead singer once sang in Warrant too, and their former guitarist is in Kiss now as well." Luigi was next to suggest his band for the festival. "Time for someone more darker. Someone like...Danzig." Mario said, "brother, that's-a Bowser's field of play-a!" Luigi said, "well someone needed to suggest Danzig."

Master Hand interjected for a second. "All of these bands are good. We still need to hear from 13 more of you, then we will be done. Keep brainstorming those ideas!" Female Villager said, "Testament. They were an early important thrash metal band. We couldn't call it a festival if Testament wasn't playing." Link said, "speaking of thrash, this festival needs Megadeth. They are the best when it comes to thrash."

Ness said his suggestion next. "On the pop metal side, how about North Carolina's own FireHouse? I have some friends in NC, and their song _Love of a Lifetime_ played at my older brother's high school prom." Lucina said, "if we're suggesting pop metal, we should have Faster Pussycat at the festival." Master Hand interjected again, "good bands everyone, nine of you still need to speak up."

Charizard simply made a loud roar. Lucario once again translated. "He said, no one had suggested Anthrax yet, and since two of the other big 4 thrash bands have been tapped, we should have Anthrax as well." Sonic made his suggestion next. "Steelheart should perform. They have some good songs." Diddy Kong then made his suggestion. "We need to have Ted Nugent at the festival." Jimbo Kern agreed. "Oh yeah! Ted Nugent is really good on guitar. He's a hunter like me too."

Olimar voiced his suggestion next. "If we want all the Big 4 Thrash bands, we need Slayer at the festival too. They will certainly keep hippies from attending the festival." Shulk said his suggestion next. "There hasn't been a Japanese band suggested next. So I will suggest one myself. Loudness. They, like the movie _Frozen_, have a song called _Let It Go_. It is a good song."

Master Hand interjected once again. "These are all good suggestions, people. Only four more need to speak up. Koopalings, have you come to a decision as to what band you as a unit want to invite?" Ludwig von Koopa, the oldest of the Koopalings, said, "yes, we want to invite the Maryland band Kix. We hear former Smasher Solid Snake now plays for an NFL team in Maryland. So we thought Kix could come play and Snake could attend the festival to see them."

Captain Falcon made his suggestion next. "We should have Spinal Tap play. The festival does need some humor. So who better to serve that purpose than Spinal Tap?" Master Hand said, "good point Captain Falcon, I shall invite Spinal Tap to peform."

Lucario now came to his own decision as to who he wanted to invite. "I want to invite Diamond Head to the festival. They were a major influence on Metallica." Bowser said, "Lucario is on the spot!" Ike then said, "I am the last to suggest a band it seems. So, I suggest that we invite Winger."

Master Hand said, "all of you made really good suggestions. I ensure you that all of these bands will be performing at the Rose Bowl come January 25. With their classic lineups or as close to them as possible too. I myself have decided to invite Buckcherry because they are like a modern-day hair band. And additionally, I will hold five more slots for modern metal bands. Managers of such bands will send in applications to be on the festival bill. I will place the band names on white sheets of paper, which I will place into a bowl. The first five names I pick out of the bowl will be the bands that will join the classic metal acts on the bill."

The Smashers and Master Hand spent another hour discussing the bands to be invited to play the Super Smash Metal Fest before dismissing everyone. Master Hand said that all the Smashers will reconvene in the Conference Room in 3 weeks to hold the drawing for the modern metal bands that would play Super Smash Metal Fest.

The first match card for SSB with the new roster was set for this coming Friday Night at 8 PM Pacific Time, with live television coverage on ESPN2. Another one was to air on Fox Sports 2 the following night at 7 PM Pacific Time.

Back in his office, Master Hand began preparing the fight cards for the television programs. Before he did, he let his brother Crazy Hand into his office, wearing his fairy princess outfit. Crazy said, "so, Master, how do I look?" Master said, "you look...astonishingly pretty. Princess Kenny McCormick has nothing on you!" Crazy said, "thank you brother! I will post pictures of me in my new outfit on my Facebook!"

Master Hand then went to prepare the fight cards. They were to heavily feature the newcomers to Smash.

**Well how do you like that? A classic metal festival organized by Super Smash Bros. and its fighters. Of course some of the songs I mentioned I actually can connect to certain Smashers. Like **_**Thunderstruck**_** and Pikachu and **_**Enter Sandman**_** and Jigglypuff. And I'm sure you know why I made those connections. The thing about **_**The Final Countdown**_** is real too – at least for me. Every year on 12/31, I play that song when the clock hits 11:55 PM. And of course, Decipher and Klondike are fictional bands I invented. I will also work on set lists for the bands too.**


	15. SPCL - Super Smash Metal Fest Sets Day 1

**These here are the set lists for the bands that in The Real Smash Bros., will perform on day one of Super Smash Metal Fest at the Rose Bowl. I will release a different day each day. Line-ups shown are ones that will play the festival. When the actual festival comes, the chapters will only depict concertgoers attending the festival, commenting on the bands playing and what songs are being played by them. Concertgoers will feature fictional characters from all over.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

Petra

Members: John Schlitt (Vocals), Bob Hartman (Guitar), Greg Bailey (Bass), Cristian Borneo (Drums)

Set list:

1. I Love the Lord

2. Dance

3. Beyond Belief

4. Destiny

5. Just Reach Out

6. No Doubt

7. Creed

8. I Am on the Rock

9. We Need Jesus

10. God Gave Rock and Roll to You

Ted Nugent

Members: Derek St. Holmes (Vocals), Ted Nugent (Guitar/Vocals), Rob Grange (Bass), Cliff Davies (Drums)

Set list:

1. Great White Buffalo

2. Wango Tango

3. Wang Dang Sweet Poontang

4. Free-For-All

5. Dog Eat Dog

6. Scream Dream

7. Weekend Warriors

8. Baby, Please Don't Go

9. Snakeskin Cowboys

10. Live It Up

11. Smokescreen

12. Out of Control

13. Coming of Age (Damn Yankees cover)

14. Damn Yankees (Damn Yankees cover)

15. High Enough (Damn Yankees cover)

16. Fred Bear

17. Stranglehold

18. Cat Scratch Fever

WASP

Members: Blackie Lawless (Vocals/Rhythm Guitar), Chris Holmes (Lead Guitar), Johnny Rod (Bass), Steve Riley (Drums)

Set list:

1. Animal (F*bleep* Like a Beast)

2. L.O.V.E. Machine

3. I Wanna Be Somebody

4. On Your Knees

5. Blind in Texas

6. Wild Child

7. I Don't Need No Doctor (Ray Charles cover)

8. The Real Me (The Who cover)

9. The Headless Children

10. Mean Man

11. Forever Free

12. Chainsaw Charlie (Murders in the New Morgue)

13. The Idol

14. Sunset and Babylon

15. Hold on to My Heart

16. Rock and Roll to Death

Def Leppard

Members: Joe Elliott (Vocals), Phil Collen (Guitar), Vivian Campbell (Guitar), Rick Savage (Bass), Rick Allen (Drums)

Set list:

1. High N' Dry (Saturday Night)

2. Bringin' on the Heartbreak

3. Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop)

4. Photograph

5. Too Late for Love

6. Foolin'

7. Rock of Ages

8. Rocket

9. Animal

10. Love Bites

11. Pour Some Sugar on Me

12. Armageddon It

13. Hysteria

14. Let's Get Rocked

15. Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad

Faster Pussycat

Members: Taime Downe (Vocals), Greg Steele (Guitar), Brent Muscat (Guitar), Eric Stacy (Bass), Mark Michals (Drums)

Set list:

1. Don't Change That Song

2. Bathroom Wall

3. Cathouse

4. Babylon

5. Poison Ivy

6. House of Pain

7. You're So Vain

8. Nonstop to Nowhere

9. Where There's a Whip There's a Way

10. The Body Thief

11. Smash Alley

12. Pulling Weeds

13. No Room for Emotion

14. Slip of the Tongue

15. Little Dove

Fates Warning

Members: Ray Alder (Vocals), Jim Matheos (Guitar), Frank Aresti (Guitar), Mark Zonder (Drums), Joe DiBiase (Bass)

Set list:

1. Monument

2. The Apparition

3. Through Different Eyes

4. Point of View

5. Prelude to Ruin

6. Quietus

7. Eye to Eye

8. Guardian

9. At Fates Fingers

10. Silent Cries

11. We Only Say Goodbye

12. Damnation

13. Circles

14. The Eleventh Hour

Rush

Members: Geddy Lee (Vocals/Bass), Alex Lifeson (Guitar), Neil Peart (Drums)

Set list:

1. Working Man

2. In the Mood

3. Fly By Night

4. Closer to the Heart

5. The Spirit of Radio

6. Freewill

7. Tom Sawyer

8. Red Barchetta

9. Limelight

10. New World Man

11. Subdivisions

12. Distant Early Warning

13. 2112 (the whole thing)

Whitesnake

Members: David Coverdale (Vocals), John Sykes (Guitar), Neil Murray (Bass), Aynsley Dunbar (Drums), Don Airey (Keyboards)

Set list:

1. Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City

2. Don't Break My Heart Again

3. Love Ain't No Stranger

4. Slide It In

5. Slow an' Easy

6. Here I Go Again

7. Is This Love

8. Still of the Night

9. Crying in the Rain

10. Give Me All Your Love

11. Fool for Your Loving

12. The Deeper the Love

13. Now You're Gone

14. Judgement Day

Ace Frehley (solo)

Members: Tod Howarth (Vocals), Ace Frehley (Guitar/Vocals), John Regan (Bass), Anton Fig (Drums)

Set list:

1. New York Groove

2. Rip It Out

3. Rock Soldiers

4. Breakout

5. Into the Night

6. Calling to You

7. Insane

8. It's Over Now

9. Do Ya

10. 2000 Man

11. Hard Times

12. Save Your Love

13. Talk To Me

14. Hide Your Heart

Dokken

Members: Don Dokken (Vocals), George Lynch (Guitars), Jeff Pilson (Bass), Mick Brown (Drums)

Set list:

1. Breaking the Chains

2. Into the Fire

3. Alone Again

4. Tooth and Nail

5. Just Got Lucky

6. The Hunter

7. In My Dreams

8. It's Not Love

9. Dream Warriors

10. Burning Like a Flame

11. Heaven Sent

12. Mr. Scary

13. Prisoner

14. Walk Away

Deep Purple

Members: Ian Gillian (Vocals), Ritchie Blackmore (Guitar), Roger Glover (Bass), Ian Paice (Drums), Don Airey (Keyboards)

Set list:

1. Hush (with surprise special guest)

2. Kentucky Woman (with surprise special guest)

3. Black Night

4. Child in Time

5. Fireball

6. Perfect Strangers

7. Knockin' at Your Back Door

8. Nobody's Home

9. Call of the Wild

10. Highway Star

11. Lazy

12. Woman From Tokyo

13. Smoke on the Water

The surprise special guest will be revealed in January.

**Well that is the itinerary for the first day of Super Smash Metal Fest, which, within my story, will be the biggest gathering of classic metal bands ever. Now, in the last chapter, I mentioned that five modern metal bands would be placed into the festival (not counting the ones mentioned already). Tell me in a private message what modern metal bands you want to see and I will consider them.**


	16. Three Cheers for Bowser and Ganondorf

**On this episode of The Real Smash Bros., Bowser and Ganondorf make their weekly trip to a certain bar where everybody knows your name.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

Today is Tuesday, and for Bowser and Ganondorf, they knew what that meant. They were to take a portal to Boston to head to the bar where they have spent Tuesdays for the past several years. It was the bar where everybody knows your name.

At the beginning of the Brawl era, the two decided that they would no longer exclusively consume alcoholic beverages within the confines of the Smash Mansion. They decided that on Tuesdays, they would go a different famous bar for a few months, and choose a permanent one to go to after that. They would spend all day at those bars.

_(Flashback: Tuesday, March 11, 2008, 7:30 AM Pacific Time)_

Bowser and Ganondorf were looking at a book detailing many famous bars located across the United States. There were both fictional bars, and real bars listed in the book. They were up early because they wanted to go to a bar on the East Coast today, and the East Coast was 3 hours ahead of the West Coast where the Smash Mansion was located.

Ganondorf soon came across a bar located in Boston, Massachusetts. "Hey look Bowser, it is said at this bar, everybody knows your name. We should go here first." Bowser said, "everybody knows our name at that bar? That's good enough for me!" Bowser and Ganondorf went downstairs to the portal room, where they would go from Irvine, California, to Boston in a matter of minutes if not seconds.

Soon, they were on the sidewalk of Beacon Street in Boston. They walked to 84 Beacon Street, which was the location of the bar they were going to. They walked down the stairs, and into the bar.

_Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience_

Bowser said, "who the Hell said that?" Ganondorf said, "I don't know Bowser, some kind of, woman it seems." Bowser and Ganondorf sat at an unoccupied booth near the entrance. Waiting for them was a drink menu, listing all the various drinks that the bar could serve.

All they wanted though, was beer. They looked at the beer selection, and discussed what they wanted to order first. Bowser said, "Ganondorf, should we get like, Miller Genuine Draft first?" Ganondorf said, "I was thinking more like Guinness. It is an Irish beer and St. Patrick's Day is not far off."

While the two supervillains were discussing what beer to order first, perhaps the bar's most famous customer walked in. He said, "good afternoon everybody." Everyone in the bar – except Bowser and Ganondorf – yelled out "NORM!"

Norm Peterson had just arrived for his daily binge of beer. He has been a regular for over 30 years now. However, everyone else took notice that Bowser and Ganondorf did not welcome Norm in like the others had. A former postal worker, who is Norm's best friend, said "wait a minute, those two, in the booth over there, they didn't greet Norm." After this sentence was finished, a piano chord began to play, and soon, a soft rock voice began to sing.

_Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got_

_Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot_

_Wouldn't you like to get away_

_Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name_

_And they're always glad you came_

_You wanna be where people see our troubles our all the same_

_You wanna be where everybody knows your name_

_You wanna go where people know people are all the same_

_You wanna go where everybody knows your name_

A final few piano chords played, to the surprise of Bowser and Ganondorf. An establishing shot of Boston was then seen, following by the resumption of the main scene from before.

The assistant bartender came to this conclusion too. "You're right Cliff, they didn't even acknowledge his existence." The main bartender, and owner of the bar, decided to talk to Bowser and Ganondorf. "I will straighten things out Woody. Something does not seem right about those two."

The bar owner walked over to Bowser and Ganondorf. He said to them, "what is going on? You two didn't greet our most loyal customer when he walked on. Wait a minute, you two look familiar, but I cannot put my finger on why."

Ganondorf said, "who are you, and what are you doing at our table?" The bar owner said, "I am Sam Malone, I'm owner of this fine bar. Norm has been coming to Cheers for over 30 years, and you don't even know his name?" Bowser said, "well, this is our first time here."

Sam said, "oh, this is your first time at Cheers. Well, what brings you here?" Ganondorf was delighted to explain the situation. "Well, me and my buddy here wanted to start drinking at an establishment other than our home once week. We live in a very large mansion over in Irvine, California, with many other famous video game characters."

Sam said, "wait a minute, you're Bowser and Ganondorf from Super Smash Bros., the #1 fighting competition in the United States." Bowser said, "yes we are, and we like to drink too. A lot. So every Tuesday we are going to go to a different bar for a while, then we will choose a permanent bar to go to after evaluating each one. So, we may choose your bar."

Cliff heard everything that was being said over at the booth. Walking over, he said, "Sam, are you to say that we are in a bar with, celebrities?" Sam said, "celebs come over all the time, they were especially prevalent between 1982 and 1993." Cliff said, "that's right, I forgot, it must be because I'm getting old...I just turned 60 you know."

Sam said, "so, what would you like to order first? I suggest starting with a local product called Samuel Adams." Bowser said, "Samuel Adams? I'll go for that. What about you Ganondorf?" The Gerudo king said, "sure, I'll start with a Samuel Adams."

Sam went over and got two bottles of Samuel Adams, and two mugs filled with ice. He brought them over to Bowser and Ganondorf. Sam said, "here you go, a Sam Adams for both of you." Both opened their Sam Adams, using the ice-filled mugs as a means of making the beers cold quickly. Once the beer was in the mugs, they started drinking.

Bowser and Ganondorf both liked the Sam Adams, having never had the beer before. For the rest of the day, Boston time, they spent their day at Cheers, getting to know all the regulars and employees. They even learned about some former regulars of the bar, such as Frasier Crane, who was now in San Francisco doing a television talk show.

As they had planned, Bowser and Ganondorf spent every Tuesday the next few months at a different bar, but they felt that they had the best time at Cheers, and so they decided to make Cheers their permanent bar.

_(End flashback)_

Now it was time to go to Cheers again. Bowser and Ganondorf enjoyed going there very much, and would continue to go there as long as Sam Malone was in the picture. The two supervillains went through the same portal they have every Tuesday the past 6 years since the decision and arrived at Cheers in no time at all.

They walked into Cheers, and went up to the bar. Sam said, "so Bowser, Ganondorf, what would like to start out with today?" Bowser said, "Red Stripe for both of us." Sam went over and got two bottles of Red Stripe for Bowser and Ganondorf. After Ganondorf drank some of his bottle, he began to say what was on his mind. "Sam, there has been something that has been troubling us for a long time."

Sam said, "yes, what it is it?" Bowser said, "you don't get it, up until now, we have never come to you for help on it." Sam, "well, I can't help you until you tell me what you need help with." Ganondorf said, "we have...girl trouble." Sam said, "well why didn't you say so?"

Bowser said, "no no, you do not understand. These girls we have been after, they have always rejected our advances for years." Sam said, "well it can't be that bad." Ganondorf said, "well, the only way we have tried to get them to love us has been...by kidnapping them."

Sam said, "oooh, no wonder they don't want you, you never take no for an answer. Well, I can't help your change your approach on your own. While I am a ladies' man myself, for people like you, I need help from two other ladies' men. My best friends Brock Slate and Glenn Quagmire. We three are all united by our quests to find the perfect woman. And we have also helped other men change their approach in landing a woman. We can help you get a woman, though probably not the women you want. I'm sure they are already taken."

Bowser said, "actually, they are taken, we've come to accept that. But still, the only way we know how to attract a woman is to kidnap one. We want to change that." Ganondorf said, "no woman wants us because of our track record with women. But we want to make them forget about that. You and your friends need to help us. But not today. Today is our drinking at Cheers day, as you may know."

Sam said, "I totally understand, now, I'm gonna go call up Brock and Quagmire on Skype. I will let them know that you need our help." Sam went into his office, and onto his laptop. He opened up Skype, and began a three-way video conference with Brock and Quagmire. Brock said, "hey there Sam, what brings you on Skype today?" Quagmire simply greeted Sam with "Mayday!", which was Sam's nickname dating back to his Major League Baseball career.

Sam said, "two of my usual customers came in today admitting that the only way they knew how to pick up a woman, so to speak, is to kidnap them. They want to change that, and I cannot do it alone. So I need your help guys."

Brock said, "you know that the Brockster is always there to help you Sam, of course I will help you help these two poor souls change their ways of getting girls. That is what Brock is known for." Quagmire said, "I will help too. You know that I will help anybody when it comes to girls. Giggity-giggity-giggity! Alright!"

After completing the Skype chat, Sam went back to minding the bar, and for the rest of the day, with help from Woody, provided drinks to everyone who came in wanting one. Bowser and Ganondorf of course, exclusively drank different kinds of beer.

When it hit 10 PM Eastern time, Bowser and Ganondorf went back home, in the process gaining three hours back since California is on the West Coast. They were drunk so they did need assistance from Sam Malone, and once back at the mansion, the butlers helped sit Bowser and Ganondorf down.

An hour later, with headaches, Bowser and Ganondorf took some of Dr. Mario's experimental "Hangunders". These pills also had the ability to keep everything that happened that day in their memory, so the two began discussing the talk they had with Sam about their girl troubles.

"I really hope Sam and his friends can change our approach in picking up girls. I don't want my love's first impression of me to be a bad one," Bowser said. "Me too, we have approached this the wrong way for way too long. We have to change our ways, or we will never find true love. It is gonna take a lot of work for that to happen. And when it does, we will forever be grateful towards Sam, Brock, and Quagmire for their work. They know everything when it comes to getting the girl. And we want to know everything as well", Ganondorf said.

**Well, this episode took a larger look at Bowser and Ganondorf's characters. And it also established that the womanizers Sam Malone (from **_**Cheers**_**), Brock Slate (from **_**Pokemon**_**), and Glenn Quagmire (from **_**Family Guy**_**), are all in fact, best friends. I'm looking to write a spin-off story featuring these three characters, since when it comes right down to it, they are not all that different, since they all share one key interest – women.**


	17. SPCL - Super Smash Metal Fest Sets Day 2

**Sorry for the long wait, but here are the set lists for the classic bands (plus Nickelback) that will perform on day two of the Super Smash Metal Fest. I still haven't got any modern metal band suggestions, please send them in via PM.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

Blue Oyster Cult

Members: Eric Bloom (Vocals), Buck Dharma (Guitar/Vocals), Joe Bouchard (Bass), Albert Bouchard (Drums), Richie Castellano (Keyboards)

Set list:

1. Cities on Flame with Rock and Roll

2. The Red & the Black

3. Flaming Telepaths

4. Astronomy

5. This Ain't the Summer of Love

6. (Don't Fear) The Reaper

7. I Love the Night

8. Goin' Through the Motions

9. Godzilla

10. In Thee

11. The Marshall Plan

12. Black Blade

13. Joan Crawford

14. Burnin' for You

15. Shooting Shark

16. Take Me Away

Note: While Eric Bloom is the normal lead singer, some songs are sung by other members. Most notably, the band's three biggest hits - (Don't Fear) The Reaper, Godzilla, Burnin' for You – are sung by guitarist Buck Dharma.

Manowar

Members: Eric Adams (Vocals), Ross the Boss (Guitars), Joey DeMaio (Bass/Keyboards), Donnie Hamzik (Drums)

Set list:

1. Fighting the World

2. Kings of Metal

3. Demon's Whip

4. Warrior's Prayer

5. Defender

6. Crown and the Ring

7. Blow Your Speakers

8. Metal Warriors

9. Black Wind, Fire and Steel

10. Hail and Kill

11. Power of Thy Sword

12. Herz Aus Stahl

13. Kingdom Come

14. Master of the Wind

Nickelback

Members: Chad Kroeger (Vocals/Lead Guitar), Ryan Peake (Rhythm Guitar), Mike Kroeger (Bass), Daniel Adair (Drums)

Set list:

1. Something in Your Mouth

2. Burn It to the Ground

3. Gotta Be Somebody

4. I'd Come for You

5. Next Go Round

6. Just to Get High

7. Never Gonna Be Alone

8. Shakin' Hands

9. S.E.X.

10. If Today Was Your Last Day

11. This Afternoon

Accept

Members: Udo Dirkschneider (Vocals), Wolf Hoffmann (Guitar), Herman Frank (Guitar), Peter Baltes (Bass), Stefan Kaufmann (Drums)

Set list:

1. Lady Lou

2. I'm a Rebel

3. Thunder and Lightning

4. Breaker

5. Burning

6. Son of a Bitch

7. Fast as a Shark

8. Restless and Wild

9. Princess of the Dawn

10. Balls to the Wall

11. London Leatherboys

12. Love Child

13. Metal Heart

14. Up to the Limit

15. Screaming for a Love-Bite

16. Monsterman

17. TV War

18. The King

The Dio Experience

Members: King Ronald (Vocals), Craig Goldy (Guitar), Rudy Sarzo (Bass), Simon Wright (Drums), Scott Warren (Keyboards)

Set list:

1. Man on the Silver Mountain

2. Catch the Rainbow

3. Starstruck

4. Stargazer

5. Kill the King

6. Neon Knights

7. Die Young

8. Heaven and Hell

9. The Mob Rules

10. Holy Diver

11. The Last in Line

12. Rainbow in the Dark

13. We Rock

14. I Could Have Been a Dreamer

15. Dream Evil

This band is basically the final line-up of Dio, but with a lead singer that has a dead on impression of him since the real Ronnie James Dio is no longer with us. A real shame too, I wanted him to record a concept album in which every song is about a specific legendary Pokemon – those Pokemon lend themselves well to heavy metal.

Jackyl

Members: Jesse James Dupree (Vocals), Jimmy Stiff (Guitars), Jeff Worley (Guitars), Thomas Bettini (Bass), Chris Worley (Drums)

Set list:

1. I Stand Alone

2. Dirty Little Mind

3. Down On Me

4. When Will It Rain

5. Redneck Punk

6. The Lumberjack

7. Push Comes to Shove

8. Headed for Destruction

9. I Could Never Touch You Like You Do

10. Secret of the Bottle

11. Rock-A-Ho

Modern Metal Band #1

Members: TBD

Set list:

TBD

Sammy Hagar

Members: Sammy Hagar (Vocals), Vic Johnson (Guitar), Mona Gnader (Bass), David Lauser (Drums)

Set list:

1. Bad Motor Scooter

2. Rock Candy

3. Rock the Nation

4. Space Station #5

5. Heavy Metal

6. There's Only One Way to Rock

7. Your Love is Driving Me Crazy

8. I Can't Drive 55

9. Winner Takes It All

10. Give to Live

11. Eagles Fly

12. Dreams

13. Why Can't This Be Love

14. Love Walks In

15. Finish What Ya Started

16. Feels So Good

17. Runaround

18. Top of the World

19. Right Now

20. Can't Stop Lovin' You

21. Humans Being

Loudness

Members: Minoru Niihara (Vocals), Akira Takasaki (Guitar), Masayoshi Yamashita (Bass), Masayuki Suzuki (Drums)

Set list:

1. Road Racer

2. Crazy Doctor

3. Ares' Lament

4. Speed

5. In the Mirror

6. Crazy Night

7. Burning Love

8. Run for Your Life

9. Angel Dust

10. Eruption

11. Bad News

12. Sleepless Night

13. Fantasy

14. Loudness

Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Members: Paul O'Neill, Jon Oliva, Robert Kinkel, Al Pitrelli, numerous touring performers

Set list:

1-22. The album _Beethoven's Last Night_ in its entirety

They will return on day 7 of the festival to perform _Night Castle_ in its entirety to close out the festival.

Twisted Sister

Members: Dee Snider (Vocals), Jay Jay French (Guitar), Eddie Ojeda (Guitar), Mark Mendoza (Bass), A. J. Pero (Drums)

Set list:

1. Under The Blade

2. Destroyer

3. What You Don't Know (Sure Can Hurt You)

4. Shoot 'Em Down

5. You Can't Stop Rock 'N' Roll

6. I Am (I'm Me)

7. The Kids Are Back

8. Stay Hungry

9. We're Not Gonna Take It

10. I Wanna Rock

11. The Price

12. Come Out And Play

13. Love Is For Suckers

14. Never Say Never

15. SMF

Savatage

Members: Jon Oliva (Vocals), Al Pitrelli (Guitar), Johnny Lee Middleton (Bass), Steve Wacholz (Drums)

Set list:

1. Gutter Ballet

2. Degrees of Sanity

3. Jesus Saves

4. Edge of Thorns

5. Agony and Ecstasy

6. Chance

7. Complaint in the System

8. The Hourglass

9. Voyage

10. Prelude to Madness / Hall of the Mountain King

11. This is the Time

12. Believe

13. Desiree

14. All That I Bleed

**Looking pretty impressive huh? I will do another night each week, with the modern metal bands getting their set lists unveiled in January, I still need suggestions. Oh and by the way, I opened up a Real Smash Bros. wiki – it is located here: http(double-slash) .com (replace the stuff in () with the actual characters).**

**I'll be working on that as well as new actual episodes, so stay tuned.**


	18. VGNT - Dreaming of a White Xmas - on DVD

**Well, I've decided to do something new called vignettes. A vignette is a short scene that focuses on one moment or gives a trenchant impression about a character, idea, setting, or object. The first vignette will show Ness ordering a new edition of a DVD containing the favorite movie of a former Smasher (or Smasher team rather).**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

Ness was on his laptop, checking out the website DVDEmpire. He was looking at a recently-released DVD of a classic Christmas movie from 1954. He thought it would make a good Christmas gift for a team of former Smashers that had just retired.

Toon Link walked into the room, being the only real child friend Ness had left in Smash. "Ness, what are you doing now?" he asked.

Ness said, "I'm ordering the movie _White Christmas _on DVD for the Ice Climbers." Toon Link said, "don't they already have that on DVD?"

Ness said, "not the edition I'm about to order. This is the Diamond Anniversary Edition. It just came out last week. The Ice Climbers got the last special edition back in 2009 if I recall correctly. But this one for the 60th anniversary has all new bonus features not on the last one."

Toon Link said, "that is a nice thing you're doing, when do you expect they will have it?" Ness said, "it will be my Christmas present to them. Now that they are training to become Ice Pokemon masters, they will be spending the holidays at the Gym in Snowpoint City. I will be sending instructions to Candice the Gym Leader for her not to give them the DVD until Christmas. It is one of their favorite movies ever, and I wanted them to think of us when Christmas time came."

Toon Link said, "that is actually pretty cool Ness. I just might get the Ice Climbers something myself".

**The product I featured in my first vignette is very real. There is actually a Diamond Anniversary Edition of **_**White Christmas**_** available and the site DVDEmpire is also a real website.**

**For those of you who do not know, **_**White Christmas**_** was the very first movie made in VistaVision, a widescreen film process made by the film's distributor, Paramount Pictures, which at present is owned by Viacom, the same company that owns MTV, the network which in this fic is depicted as airing a reality TV series called **_**The Real Smash Bros.**_** which in turn is inspired by **_**The Real World**_**.**


	19. VGNT - He's Back in the Saddle Again

**For my next vignette, I will do it in the style of a blog entry written by Mewtwo as he announces his return to Smash after a seven year absence.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

"Hello loyal followers of my blog. For the past six years, I have been out of the public eye, receiving therapy, as I have tried to get over what happened on New Island 15 years ago. The memories were still baked into my conscience. It affected my performance during my first tenure in Super Smash Bros., and I had nightmares very frequently.

In 2008, I left Smash and withdrew from the public eye and decided to get therapy. I moved to New York City for this purpose and I decided on Dr. Jonathan Katz as my therapist. He specialized in helping out celebrities, and he was especially glad to help me out.

Until I started seeing Dr. Katz, I had never opened up to anyone about my problems. He has helped me turn my life around in ways I cannot imagine. The past few months I have been working on my attacks, as I flirted with the idea of returning to Smash, a brand new man, or rather, Pokemon.

Well, it is with great pleasure that today, I have officially announced that I will return to Smash in the spring of 2015. I no longer have any memories, flashbacks, or nightmares relating to what happened on New Island. I am completely over that, and I cannot wait to see everyone again.

I am to understand that Pikachu's owner, Ash Ketchum, has moved into the Smash Mansion, and that another of Ash's Pokemon, Charizard, has joined Smash. When I return, my entrance theme will be "Back in the Saddle" by Aerosmith. It fits me very well given my long absence.

I want to thank everyone for all the support I have received over the years. I also look forward to meeting all the new Smashers that have joined since I left. See you all in the spring!

Yours truly,

Mewtwo."

**Well, this is a nice way of writing Mewtwo into The Real Smash Bros., so to speak. New Island is of course the setting for Pokemon: The First Movie, in which Mewtwo was the main antagonist. Back during the Melee era, Mewtwo often hung out with Bowser and Ganondorf. This won't be the case when he returns.**


	20. VGNT - Ness Reads Mewtwo's Blog

**This next vignette will show Ness looking at Mewtwo's blog entry from the last one, and post a comment on it.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does.**

Ness was browsing the internet, and he decided to go check his old friend Mewtwo's blog to see if there were any updates of any interest to him.

As it turned out, Mewtwo's latest blog entry explained his road to returning to Smash after a long absence of seven years. Ness was very excited at this. He didn't have any other psychic friends left in Smash because Lucas retired to a normal life. The only other child Smasher he could relate to that was left was Toon Link, as Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings were all bad guys.

Ness and Mewtwo hit it off immediately when they first met, as both of them have psychic powers. However, Ness could sense that many things were bothering Mewtwo, but he did not want to talk to him about those problems, which were all related to what happened on New Island.

Mewtwo left Smash in order to find help in dealing with these problems, and has finally gotten over everything. He is training for his return to Smash in the spring of 2015. Ness and Mewtwo liked to watch _Medium_ together, since it was about a psychic helping solve murder cases.

Ness decided to post a comment on the blog, saying that when Mewtwo returns, they should binge rewatch _Medium_ from the beginning since Mewtwo left before the series ended. A few hours later, Ness went back to the blog to see if there was a reply, and indeed there was. Mewtwo agreed to this, being that the two really did enjoy watching _Medium_ together.

Ness was the only non-villain character that Mewtwo frequently hung out with during the Melee era. After all this therapy, Mewtwo determined he had outgrown Bowser and Ganondorf, especially given that Mewtwo was a movie villain only, and not a game villain like the other two.

**Well, this gives some more backstory to Mewtwo. I have actually seen **_**Medium**_** myself, but I stopped in the middle of the third season. I'll probably watch the rest during next summer when the currently-running primetime shows I watch are on summer hiatus.**


	21. VGNT - Lucario's Love for Chocolate

**This next vignette delves into Lucario's fascination with chocolate.**

**I do not own SSB, Nintendo does**

Lucario was in the kitchen, awaiting the return of his master, Sir Aaron, from numerous errands he was running. Whenever Sir Aaron went to run errands, he always came home with loads of chocolate goodies for Lucario.

Finally, Sir Aaron did return, and he said, "look who's back Lucario, and with all kinds of goodies for you?" Sir Aaron came home with all sorts of bags containing chocolate-based goodies for Lucario.

Lucario first became interested in chocolate during the events of the eighth Pokemon movie, after being introduced to it by Max Maple. Lucario has a secret chocolate stash that he goes to great lengths to protect.

Among the chocolate goodies that Sir Aaron brought home was an assortment of chocolate candies, some of which are hard to find, a brownie sandwich from Long John Silver's, a Hershey's Sundae Pie from Burger King, and finally, a six-pack of Canfield's Diet Chocolate Fudge Soda.

Lucario as usual thanked Sir Aaron for all this. Sir Aaron, as an official "friend of Smash", earned large paychecks just like the actual Smashers. A good amount of these paychecks went towards Lucario's chocolate goodies.

Lucario, after eating the brownie sandwich and the pie, began to speak. "You know, Aaron, there are some places I've always wanted to go to." Sir Aaron said, "what are those places Lucario?"

Lucario said, "first is Hershey, Pennsylvania. That place is the headquarters for the Hershey Company, and is considered the Chocolate Capital of America. We should go there and check out what sights they have to see."

Sir Aaron said, "I was just thinking of that. I was planning on the two of us going to Hershey next summer, and while we are in the area, I will have us meet up with a friend of mine named Suzie. She just started college this year, and she turns 18 in December. I met her on a Pokemon forum, where I am called 'The Last of the Guardians'."

Lucario said, "that is nice. She's been to Hershey several times I take it?" Sir Aaron said, "yes actually, given that she does live in the area." Lucario said, "maybe the summer after, we can go to the place where Nestlé is headquartered, Vevey, Switzerland."

Sir Aaron said, "that is not a bad idea either, it's actually the place where milk chocolate was invented. Of course, it is part of the French-speaking area of the country so we will need to learn French. We should also go check out Ghirardelli Chocolate Company headquarters in San Francisco, we can do that like in December since San Francisco isn't all that cold in December."

Lucario said, "I'd certainly love to do those. And Ghirardelli's parent company, Lindt & Sprüngli, has a headquarters we should visit too. It's in the German-speaking part of Switzerland so we will need to learn how to speak German for when we go to there."

Throughout the day, Lucario and Sir Aaron discussed various chocolate company headquarters they could go visit, and decided to plan these trips out over the ensuing years. After that, Lucario and Sir Aaron decided to go online and look up numerous chocolate-based dishes they could make.

All in all, Lucario's love for chocolate was very natural.

**Well I tried making this a full episode, but I couldn't so I made it a vignette instead. A full episode will come soon, I promise.**


End file.
